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Manifestation Your Gateway To The Life You Want

(category: Coaching, Word count: 448)
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Are you stuck in a rut? Do you ever feel that you are being perpetually driven; that life is a never-ending round of rushing from here to there, or from one chore to another, with no time for relaxation? That money worries - how to pay those rising bills, or where the next payment is coming from for your children's education, your family's healthcare, your house mortgage - occupy your mind much of the time, or that relationships with your family or spouse suffer because you haven't got time to spend with them - you're working all the hours there are to pay the bills after all, aren't you. Things never seem to go right, no matter how hard you try, and feeling frustration and discontent has become a part of what you are. You long for the day when you can get just a little time for yourself, and do some of those things you always wanted. Without knowing it, you may have programmed yourself for unhappiness and failure.

But what if there is a way to say goodbye to fear, anger, worry, and all those other negative emotions? What if you can transform your life so that you can obtain all the things you ever wanted? You can you know. The powerful and secret techniques taught by manifestation can do just that. Learning to become a Master Manifestor is your blueprint to success, prosperity and personal fulfilment. Using the inside knowledge of manifestation, you can discover how to implement your ideas and dreams in a simple and stress-free way to dramatically change your life for the better.

Manifesting is an ancient science (over 1500 years old), and although the manifestation techniques are largely unknown to the modern world, the tried and trusted methods have proven to work and are needed now, more than ever. By manifestation you can attract good fortune to yourself, financial and personal, and work magic in your life. Radically different from any other self-help programme - in fact you can realistically throw away 90% of every self-help book you've ever collected - this Manifesting Mindset will transform the way you think on all levels. A new departure in self-improvement, it will harness the physical laws of the universe to create anything you desire: attract love and romance, make your perfect job appear, eliminate stress and low esteem, lose weight, find abundance and financial freedom. Consciously draw life-affirming experiences to yourself.

Anyone can learn the art of manifestation. Regardless of what you've been conditioned to believe, it is available to ALL of us. Why not give it a try and see where it takes you.

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Benefits Of Ordering Online Sing Lesson Merchandise

(category: Coaching, Word count: 568)
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All across the country there are millions of individuals who are interested in pursuing a career as a singer. There are many individuals who have a natural talent for singing, but others may not. That does not mean that a person should give up their dream; however, it does mean that they may have to work harder to achieve it. When dealing with singing that extra work may involving taking singing lessons.

A singing lesson is often taught by an experienced teacher, also commonly known as a voice coach. This teacher works with their singing students to perfect their singing voice and make it the best that it can possibly be. There are a number of choices when it comes to taking a singing lesson. Many individuals prefer to take face-to-face singing lessons while others may not have the time or the money to have personalized lessons. This is why many individuals end up purchasing singing lesson equipment.

Singing lesson equipment often comes in the form of a DVD or a CD. There are thousands of different DVDs and CDs available for purchase that offer assistance when learning to how sing or work to perfect an existing singing voice. These items can be purchased from a wide variety of different locations including music stores, book stores, traditional retail stores, or online. While shopping in a traditional retail store may have benefits, there are many individuals who prefer to order online singing lesson items.

There are a number of benefits to ordering online singing lesson items. One of those benefits includes the selection of products available. Due to limited floor space not all retail locations can carry a wide selection of items, including singing lesson DVDs or CDs. This causes may retail stores to focus only on selling the most popular singing lesson titles. The most popular singing lesson DVDs and CDs are often nice; however, they may not be the best choice for what you are looking for.

Online retail stores and online auction sites do not have the floor space problem that many retail stores do. This is why it is easier to find a wider selection of online singing lesson items. If you are looking for materials on learning to sing country music versus just learning to sing traditional music you may have better luck purchasing online singing lesson products.

In addition to a wider product selection it is also possible to find a better deal purchasing online singing lesson equipment. Online shopping has increased in popularity over the past few years and a number of retail stores and individuals are interested in making a profit; therefore, there has been an increase in the development of online stores. This increase in competition often forces retailers to offer their products at a lower price than what it is being sold at in a traditional store. It is highly likely that you can order online singing lesson equipment for a fairly low price over the internet.

Ordering online singing lesson equipment over the internet is a great way to purchase quality products that may not be found in most retail stores. If you are interested in taking a singing lesson you should compare the cost of face-to-face lessons versus purchasing online singing lesson equipment. You may be surprised exactly how much money you may end up saving.

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Addiction To Thinking

(category: Coaching, Word count: 792)
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Randall sought my help because he was stuck being miserable and had no idea how to get out of his misery. In his life he had experienced moments of great joy and sense of oneness with all of life, but those moments were infrequent. He wanted more of those moments but had no idea how to bring them about.

Randall is an extremely intelligent man, but in some ways he was using his own intelligence against himself. The problem was that when Randall did have those brief moments of true connection, he immediately went into his mind to try to figure out how it happened. The moment he went into his mind, he lost the connection that he so desperately desired.

The reason Randall went into his mind was that, as much as he wanted the joy of deep spiritual connection, he wanted something even more than that - control over that connection. Randall's ego wounded self believed that he could control the connection with Spirit with his intellect - if only he could figure it out then he could control it. The last thing Randall wanted to do, which is what is necessary to connect with Spirit, is to surrender his thinking. Randall was deeply addicted to thinking as a way to not feel his inner experience. Thinking was his way of controlling his painful feelings, such as his aloneness, loneliness, and helplessness over others and over his spiritual connection.

Many us of are addicted to thinking. We believe if we can just figure things out we can control others and the outcome of things. We want to control how people feel about us and treat us by saying just the right thing - so we have to think about it over and over to discover the right thing to say. This is called "ruminating." Ruminating is obsessively thinking about something over and over in the hopes of finally coming up with the "right" answer, the right thing to say, the right way to be to have control over others and the outcome of things. Ruminating is also a way to have control over our own painful feelings, which is what addictions are all about.

In my work with Randall, he would immediately go into his head and analyze what was happening in the session the minute feelings came up. Over and over I would bring him out of his head and into his body, into his feelings. His feelings were so terrifying to him that he could only stay with his feelings for a few moments before he was back into his head - explaining, figuring out, intellectualizing. He was so terrified of the soul loneliness and aloneness he felt that he had learned to avoid these feelings with his mind. Yet until Randall was willing to feel his painful feelings, which had been there since childhood, he couldn't stay out of his head. As long as his intent was to control his pain rather than learn from it, he would not be able to move into the spiritual connection he so desired.

The purpose of all of our addictions are to avoid pain, especially the deep soul loneliness that we all feel in this society. The problem is that our disconnection from our feelings - which is our Inner Child - creates aloneness as well. Our feeling self, our Inner Child, is left alone inside with no one to attend to the painful feelings. It is only when our desire is to learn about how we may be causing our own painful feelings that we open to our inner experience. Our desire to learn also opens the door to our spiritual connection, which we cannot feel when our intent is to avoid pain with our various addictions.

It took Randall many months to be willing to feel his painful feelings, but he discovered that when he finally had the courage to feel them, it was not as bad as he thought. In fact, when he was no longer abandoning his Inner Child by going into his addictive thinking, he no longer felt alone within. Connecting with himself allowed him to connect with Spirit more and more of the time. Rather than getting there through thinking and trying to control it, he was getting there by being present in the moment with his inner experience - surrendering to the moment. Randall found that while he could not control others and the outcome of things, he actually did have control over his misery - by choosing the intent to learn rather than protecting against pain. While he couldn't control Spirit, he did have control his own intent, which eventually led to his being able to connect with Spirit.

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Grow Through It

(category: Coaching, Word count: 1023)
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It's past bedtime for most working men. It's not unbearably late and I have no appointments tomorrow morning so I sit here and contemplate. Contemplate what? Well, what do I always contemplate? Life, the concept of God, the meaning of life, what's happening in society, and my next step in my own journey; there really is a lot to consider or, more aptly put, more that one can consider. I speak of being in the moment, staying present and not worrying. You are more effective in that place. Yet, there are times for reflection.

Reflecting gives me the opportunity to check-in with the events of the past week. The conversations and people I've met. Along with that there is the recollection of the impact I made or they made during our exchange. This includes what may come from the relationship. Sadly, there are those people whose impact may have been negative. During the exchange there are attempts at honest communication and I'm saddened by the lack of insight they may possess; I am thinking of a particular incident. Friendship is a fickle thing.

I'm astonished by the mistakes we make as adults: Mistakes about our own beliefs and how that impacts others; Mistakes about relationship choices just because we feel ourselves getting older and perceive that to mean we're running out of time; Mistakes of judging others before we've even had the opportunity to give a friendship or relationship a chance. One encounter with someone rarely scratches the surface and most issues people have in an exchange are their own issues. Chances are you're seeing a reflection of yourself.

I've had to learn that a long time ago now. Many beliefs and attitudes I encountered that butted heads with me were typically a fairly representative reality of my own making, not theirs. What I would see is what I expected to see based upon previous encounters with other people. Little triggers would set me off, thinking about a past event, letting it taint the current potential for a new relationship. After shutting so many people out, I finally took stock and began to challenge myself to see past those initial encounters.

Most often, when we present ourselves to a new person, our strategy is to adopt a mask of conduct that we have become comfortable and safe with when dealing with people we don't know or want to keep at a safe distance. Too often in the past we presented our most authentic self while growing up and had our trust betrayed. Or, we've been schooled by parents, teachers, friends that we should always be on our guard. I've found little reason to continue the charade.

While I will speak more freely about certain topics initially, I bring my truest nature into the relationship immediately. I speak openly about matters of the heart, matters of the spirit based upon my own experiences, and many other unusual topics of life and relationships. It troubles me to be in conversations with people who are guarded and anxious, as though they had something to hide, to protect, or suggest that I'm untrustworthy. To give trust is to be trustworthy.

In opening myself up to be vulnerable, I demonstrate trust and that I am trustworthy. This was affirmed on Saturday morning over coffee with a woman that I had only just met. We met to discuss aspects of her life that she would like improved. For two hours nothing was spoken about her situation. I discussed many aspects of my life, trials and tribulations, relationships, work, and beliefs. Towards the end of our time together, she said she trusted me completely. It was about who I was being with her that gave her this security and permission to be authentic. Others won't go there.

Another woman with whom I spent even more time, continuing to be the same man I always am, has failed to find me trustworthy. Yet I behaved the same and was my authentic self and opened up about much of my life and such as I did on Saturday. She opened up herself, usually about one or two topics, and yet she was caught up in a belief system that didn't allow her to trust herself with certain people. Based upon an initial impression, not of the person but of a stereotype she holds, I am lumped into a category of the type of person that can cause her to give up her power. That is such a revealing statement.

After communicating this to me, understanding why she has this issue, I am unable to respond in a way that will allow her to hear the truth. The filter is already in place and everything said will be heard from that perspective. Not from a place of impartial judgment, instead it is heard from a biased judgment. We did speak about that issue but rather than challenge her, I had to talk about me from that context. I don't know if she will see what I see. If she gives up her power in context with certain people, then how is her relationship with herself? Does she trust herself?

We are complex and we are wise to be careful with whom we trust. I agree with that but at the same time, can you be so overly cautious that you no longer learn anything about yourself, your power, and how you can improve your circumstances when dealing with other people? Challenges are given to us to rise up and grow. When a problem shows up, you go through it. Or, like my grandfather would have said, "You grow through it."

Not all powerful personalities are interested in controlling other people. I'd say the majority of us are happy with who we are and are just enthused by the exchange with other human beings. We don't want your power, we want you to engage in a relationship that challenges and empowers. The questions I'm left with:

"Why are you afraid?

"Who are you really afraid of?

"So what is it that you really want?

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Why You Should Purchase A Singing Lesson On Cd

(category: Coaching, Word count: 557)
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All around the world there are millions of individuals who are interested in a career in singing. There are many individuals who only dream, but others actually work to make that dream come true. If you are interested in a career in singing you need to ask yourself which type of individual you are. If you are interested in working to make your dream come true then you are already a few steps ahead of most people.

Hard work may not necessarily come easy or even cheap, but there are ways to make it happen. When trying to become a singer there are many individuals who end up taking singing lessons. A singing lesson is often given by a trained professional who has experience in voice singing. The most common way to receive a singing lesson is to meet face-to-face; however, that is not the only way. It is possible to purchase a singing lesson on CD. A singing lesson on CD is a great alternative to face-to-face singing lessons.

If given the chance many aspiring singers would prefer to work one-on-one with a music teacher or a voice coach; however, that cannot always happen. Singing lessons take time and money. It is not uncommon for one singing lesson session to last an hour. Most singers cannot show improvement in just one singing lesson; therefore, they are often required to take multiple lessons over a period of time. These lessons may end up being costly and time consuming. For that reason there has been an increase in the popularity of singing lesson on CD programs.

A singing lesson on CD is similar to a face-to-face lesson; however, no teacher or voice coach will physically be present. Even though a singing lesson on CD is not as personal as most traditional singing lessons it is still very beneficial. Most singing lesson on CD programs will have the same information and tips that would be given by a professional in a traditional singing lesson session.

Another aspect to consider when purchasing a singing lesson on CD program that is these items can be used again and again. As with purchasing traditional music CDs shoppers will only have to pay for the item once, but the product can be used as many times as needed. This is similar to taking multiple singing lesson, but without the extra cost.

A singing lesson on CD can be purchased from a wide variety of locations. They can be found in a number of retail stores including music stores, media stores, and traditional department stores. It is also possible to purchase singing lesson on CD programs over the internet. When shopping for a singing lesson on CD program many aspiring singers find it more helpful to shop online because many online stores offer a wider product selection.

Since a singing lesson on CD can be purchased for a fairly decent price and it can be reused again and again it is a wise investment for many aspiring singers. It is not uncommon for a person to change their career goals over time; therefore, why spend a large amount of money on professional singing lessons when a singing lesson on CD is easy to get a hold of and use.

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Transformational Counseling

(category: Coaching, Word count: 2757)
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Transformational Counseling is a process of assisting others to transform their lives. Transformational Counseling is a process of assisting others in their reinventing themselves, of creating a life that they love and living it powerfully. Transformational Counseling is a process of creating a space for others to get present to or become aware of their self limiting belief, to create or invent a possibility for themselves and their life that could not have existed before and to learn how to be in their possibilities as opposed to being that which has always stopped them in the past.

The development of transformational counseling has been the result of my work in counseling, psychotherapy, coaching, hypnosis, neuro linguistic programming, the work of Louise Hay and especially Landmark Education. To understand and be able to utilize the technology of Transformational Counseling with others, of being able to make a true difference in another person's life, requires that one understand or get certain concepts or distinctions about what it is to be a human being and reality itself. While the distinctions of Transformational Counseling are initially presented separately, it is in their practice or communication with another that a true synergy is reached and it's potential or power actualized for the client. For the counselor as well as the client the synergistic learnings that take place within Transformational Counseling is nonlinear in nature.

The clients that I work with are all experiencing a loss of power, freedom and full self-expression in one or many of the various domains of their life. The clients that I see are all being stopped in living a life that they love and living it powerfully. If they continue being as they have been being nothing will change, life will be as it has always been. They will remain stuck and unable to reach their true potential in life. The clients that I coach or counsel know that something needs to be different in their life but are unsure of what that something is all about, of what is not working, of what is missing, of what needs to happen. It is in assisting a client to discover or become present to that which has been causing their depression, sadness, anger, frustration, etc. and to learn how to create a new way of being that the work of Transformational Counseling is all about.

One of the fundamental distinctions of Transformational Counseling is that our thoughts are very important, if not the most important component of what it is to be a human being. We tend to believe that the external world, or what we commonly believe to be reality, is that which is truly important. As a result of such a belief, we are constantly engaged in trying to change something in the external world, constantly believing that this type of activity will bring us true happiness and contentment in our life. Within Transformational Counseling, it is our thoughts or thinking that is of immense importance to us and our process of living. It is our thoughts and thinking patterns that literally shape or determine our feelings, behavior, experiences and our reality. More specifically, it is our thoughts that we have about ourselves that tends to create or shape our experiences, that forms the background of our life and our sense of reality. It is from the thoughts that we initially create about ourselves that we subsequently develop into a belief about who we think we are, our self-image, of how we define our very being and it is from this belief that we live our life. A belief is merely a thought that we think is true or real, that expresses some sense of ontology.

Inside the conversation of Transformational Counseling it is also important to understand that we are truly responsible for the thoughts that we have, including and especially those that we have about ourselves. We literally invent or create all of our thoughts including those that we have about ourselves and with them our feelings and behaviors. To truly get our responsibility in how we create our experiences or reality is to also get how we create or invent all of our thoughts about ourselves and with it our reality. Reality itself has no meaning outside of what we give it. We are, as human beings, meaning making machines, beings that wrap meaning around everything in our life, including and most importantly about ourselves. Being responsible for our thoughts, getting it that we create them, is completely different from the experience of guilt or blame. It is not that we are to blame for our experiences but merely that we do create what we think about ourselves, who we think we are, how we feel about ourselves and how the world appears to us. There is a distinction between responsibility and blame or guilt.

What we tend to think about ourselves has at its core what can be referred to as our self-limiting belief. The self-limiting belief is a thought that we have about who we think we are, that defines our identity at its core, a belief that was developed between the ages of three to six approximately. During this time frame in our journey through life something happened, an event took place and it is from that event that we developed or created a thought or belief about ourselves. The original event is not so much of importance as the fact that we created a belief about ourselves, a belief that has actually limited us in life. The self-limiting belief is a sense of inadequacy, an idea or thought that something is wrong with us, that something is broken. Once this self-limiting belief is created or invented we tend to live our lives as if it were true. Our self-limiting belief is a fundamental, core belief that we have about ourselves, about who we think we are, that creates our feelings about ourselves, affects our behavior and determines our experiences.

Our self-limiting belief affects our behavior in that we are constantly trying to fix it. For example, if ones self-limiting belief is that the individual is "not enough", that person will constantly try to be "enough", constantly be doing things to compensate for what or who they think they are. While an individual is constantly attempting to fix it, the self-limiting belief is also in the process of fulfilling upon itself, of becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy, of causing the person to be "not enough." Given the fact that ones self-limiting belief is hidden from them, from their view, we are not aware of its existence or its affect on our life, of its influence or impact on our life. Even though it is not true, not real, we believe it to be so and as a result the self limiting belief is that which keeps us stuck, keeps us living in the past, prevents us from living a life that we love and living it powerfully. Our self-limiting belief is in a very real sense our personal affirmation, an affirmation that is embedded in our "self talk", an affirmation that determines how we tend to feel about ourselves, an affirmation that guides and determines our behavior in life, that defines our very way of being and how we appear to the world.

The first goal of Transformational Counseling is to assist an individual in becoming present to his or her self-limiting belief, of bringing it into ones awareness. It is this distinction or awareness of ones self-limiting belief that is crucial to his or her transformation. Without such awareness ones future will be as it has been, will be what can be referred to as the "probable almost certain future". Without such awareness, ones future will merely be the past and even with a constant attempt on the individual's part to fix the self-limiting belief, his or her life will merely be to continue with its fulfillment and actualization in their experiences and life. Awareness of ones self limiting belief can be gotten by the person experiencing its genesis or the originating event and with it the belief that the person invented or created about themselves at that time. An individual can also become present to the self-limiting belief by monitoring his or her spoken word. The self-limiting belief exists in our language, in the words we say or speak. Mirror work will also facilitate this type of awareness as ones self-limiting belief exists inside the feelings that one will become present as the individual observes his or her image. Regression can also be utilized to assist one in getting the genesis of his or her self-limiting belief.

Once one becomes present to his or her self-limiting belief, the opportunity then exists, possibly for the first time in the person's life, to invent a possibility for his or her life, to begin to reinvent his or her life anew. An individual's possibility is how that person will be in the present, free of the constraints or barriers of the past, a creation from nothing. Within Transformational Counseling, an individual's possibility is a new or different way of thinking about himself or herself, of who they are, of who they will be. Like the individual's self-limiting belief, a person's possibility is a personal affirmation or declaration. Like a person's self limiting belief, an individual's possibility also exists in language, and once generated by the individual, will begin to create or invent his or her experiences and sense of reality through the power of his or her thoughts and word. Unlike a person's self limiting belief, an individual's possibility will allow him or her to create a life that they truly love and be able to live it powerfully.

The third component of Transformational Counseling has to do with the individual learning what Landmark Education refers to as the process of enrollment. Given that a person will either live life as his or her possibility or their self-limiting belief, there will be a tendency for a person to go back to or stay in his or her self-limiting belief. This is what is very familiar to us, that is, being our self-limiting belief in our daily life. Learning the process of enrollment will assist the individual in being able to get out of his or her self-limiting belief and back into their possibility. When we have a breakdown, we have gone back into being our self-limiting belief and as we do so will truly experience a loss of power, freedom and full expression that is from the past. It is in our breakdowns that we are being inauthentic, that the self-limiting belief becomes hidden again. The process of enrollment allows the person to become authentic about how he or she has been being inauthentic, to again become present to his or her self-limiting belief, and in the process to continue generating his or her possibility or invent a new one for themselves and their life.

The implementation or practice of Transformational Counseling with a client takes place inside a conversation about integrity. Integrity is simply planning your work and working your plan. Clients are encouraged to develop a written plan, a plan for their daily life. A written plan allows the client to take on creating or reinventing themselves and their life in a new way that supports their wellness. Implementing ones plan also allows them to confront that which has always stopped them in the past. As clients begin the process of fulfilling on their plan, of working it, of living the life that they desire, they will have a tendency to get stopped, to have a breakdown and as they do so will develop an inauthenticity, living life as they once did, from the backdrop of the self-limiting belief. It is in working with a client and his or her plan through the enrollment process that he or she has the opportunity to learn how to get out of their self-limiting belief and back into their possibility and truly transform their life. For the client the process of enrollment is the practice of continuing to experience a true sense of power, freedom and full self-expression. It is through staying in and working with ones integrity that a person will have the opportunity to stay committed to living a life that they love and living it powerfully.

The conversations that take place with a client are conducted within the language used through my personal training and development with Landmark Education. These conversations are done so by design. While it is important for a client to begin to act and behave differently, it is crucial that they begin to think differently too. The language used in Landmark Education is unfamiliar and tends to create a space, at least initially, of confusion. This confusion acts as a pattern disruption for the client, causing him or her to start to seriously question what is being said, the meaning of the conversation. It is through this confusion and questioning by the client that they will have the opportunity to become present to their very thought process, to that which has been the true cause in the matter for them, to that which has been creating their experiences and their sense of reality, especially as it applies to how they have been thinking about themselves, the basis of how they have been being and way of life.

As the client begins to live a life of transformation it is also important that the counselor or coach be very present to the client's tendency to acknowledge or thank them for their assistance. As a counselor or coach I let the client know that I can not fix or help them, that they must do this work if they are to live a life that they love and live it powerfully. In my work with clients I make a stand for the client to assume total and complete responsibility with true empowerment as the goal. To step over the client acknowledging the coach or counselor is essentially the same as encouraging a client to use a blame pattern. As with blaming, thanking another for this type of work does not allow the client to truly get it that he or she is the cause in the matter and in both instances the client will not experience his or her true sense of power, freedom and full self expression. The client is truly responsible for transforming their life and it is vital to the process that they get this completely.

Transformational Counseling is an extremely powerful technique for assisting others in making a true difference in their life. For a client it is a gradual awakening to that which has truly been the cause in the matter, to that which has created and shaped their thoughts, feelings, behavior, experiences and sense of reality. To assist a client in being able to stand in their possibility, of being the possibility of "acceptance, freedom and creativity", as opposed to their self-limiting belief, of being "not enough", will allow that individual to live a life that they love and live it powerfully. When used in conjunction with other techniques, such as mirror work, positive affirmations, therapeutic relaxation music, self-hypnosis and NLP patterns, a space is created for a client to transform his or her life forever.

In addition to learning the fundamental distinctions and process of Transformational Counseling, it is also important for the counselor or coach to have an experiential understanding of this technology. To truly make a stand for a client and be able to make a difference for another will necessitate that the counselor have gotten his or her self-limiting belief, have invented new possibilities for himself or herself and also to have learned the process of enrollment. Being able to assist another in the process of transformation can only be achieved when the counselor or coach is in his or her own personal transformation. For me this journey started when I enrolled in the Landmark Forum. It was through experiencing the Forum and the curriculum that followed that the process of transformation began for me as a counselor and more importantly as a human being. Within the conversation of transformation we are merely human beings assisting other human beings to transform their lives, to live a life that they love and to live it powerfully.

Harry Henshaw, Ed. D., LMHC http://www.enhancedhealing.com

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Are You Addicted To Your Activities

(category: Coaching, Word count: 775)
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Activities - such as sports, creative projects, reading, work, TV, meditation - can be a wonderful way to relax, express yourself, or connect to yourself. Or they can be an addiction. How can you know the difference?

* Angie would surf the channels whenever she felt stressed or alone.

* Karen would lose herself in a book when things felt overwhelming.

* Keith would retreat and meditate when his wife wanted to talk.

* Patty's work schedule left her little time at home.

* Carl spent more time in the garage fixing things than with his family.

* Patrick's love of running was interfering with his family time.

Whether or not an activity is an addiction depends upon your INTENT.

* When the intent of an activity is to avoid the pain of aloneness and loneliness, it is an addiction.

* When the intent of an activity is to avoid the pain of rejection or the fear of domination, it is an addiction.

* When the intent of an activity is to put off doing something you don't really want to do but need to do, it is an addiction.

Whenever an activity is used as a way to avoid something - painful feelings, difficult or boring tasks - it becomes an addiction. It's really no different than using substances such alcohol, drugs, or food to avoid painful feelings or challenging tasks. The problem with using addictions to avoid painful feelings is that the feelings don't actually go away. They are just numbed for the moment but are silently eroding one's sense of self. We can get away with it only for so long before it shows up in some way - illness, divorce, depression, and so on. And avoiding tasks means that the tasks pile up, eventually causing the very stress we want to avoid. Our society is filled with ways to avoid. Yet it is avoidance that leads to the very feelings we are striving to avoid!

When the intent of an activity is to take loving care of yourself by providing yourself with fun, creativity and expression, relaxation, personal growth, spiritual growth, physical health and well-being, then it is a loving action rather than an addiction. It all depends on your INTENT.

Next time you want to participate in your favorite activity, you might want to notice your intent. Do you want to relax and watch TV or are you avoiding some difficult feeling or task? Do you find yourself scheduling more work than you can really handle to avoid dealing with aloneness, loneliness, or conflict with a mate, or are you really loving your work and feeling fulfilled by it? Are you exercising to support your health or to avoid feelings?

Once you become aware of using an activity to avoid, here's what you can do about it:

1. Welcome the feeling you are trying so hard to avoid. Pay attention to the feeling - fear, loneliness, aloneness, agitation, boredom, anxiety.

2. Make a decision to learn what YOU might be doing to cause this feeling rather than continuing to avoid it.

3. Explore what you might be doing to cause this feeling. How are you not taking care of yourself that is causing your painful feeling? Are you procrastinating, judging yourself, or not standing up for yourself in conflict? How are you avoiding responsibility for your own well-being? Are you allowing yourself to be a victim, waiting for someone else to make you feel better?

4. Once you understand what you are doing to cause your distress, then you need to ask "What would be the loving action for myself?" You are asking this question of your highest self, or of your spiritual guidance if you are connected with a source of guidance. If you open to learning about what is loving, ideas will pop into your mind.

5. Now you need to take the loving action on your own behalf - complete a task, stand up for yourself and speak your truth with someone, and so on.

6. Re-evaluate how you are feeling. Are you feeling more peaceful and more powerful? You will feel more peaceful if you have taken the loving action. If you are not feeling better, don't just turn back to your addictions. Look for another loving action until you find what really makes you feel safe on a deep level, not just the temporary pacification of an addiction.

You will find your addictions fading away as you learn to take loving care of yourself.

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How To Cope With Nasty People At Work

(category: Coaching, Word count: 667)
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I worked for many years in an office environment and would have enjoyed the experience if it was not for a number of over bearing and annoying colleagues. These people seemed to spend the whole day bitching and gossiping about other people which can make life at work very stressful and uncomfortable.

After leaving school I was excited that I was now entering into the adult world. I was more than happy to leave behind me the childish ways of school life where people are constantly taking the mickey out of each other, which is apparently supposed to be fun and basically act like fools. This was certainly not what I saw as enjoyment.

I eventually obtained a position working for an insurance company where I would have to carry out basic office duties. I was slightly apprehensive as it was all new to me of course but what I found when I started to work their came as quite a shock. Some of these so called adults were also acting like they were still at school.

The males in the office were always at each others throats, throwing insults which I have to add were mainly in jest, and basically acting like they were fourteen years of age.

The women though were so annoying it was untrue. Of course it was not all of the women but just a handful of them. This however was enough to make it an uncomfortable place to work. These women were always ready to spread gossip about other people and were so two faced it was unbelievable.

As an example, I will tell you a story which I am now able to laugh about, but which at the time was quite hard to handle. I went out for a few drinks one night and in the bar, there was a woman who worked in the same office that I did. She was what I called, one of the bitches!

I went over and started talking to her. I had had a number of drinks and felt quite sociable. She had a friend with her who I have to say was very attractive and I also started to make small talk with her. I started to get on really well with this friend and thought that I had pulled etc.

After buying them both a drink I went to the toilet. Whilst I was in the toilets my friends warned this friend of my colleague not to get too close to me because I was gay (which I am not). They were just trying to ruin it for me, nice hey!

I came back to the group and both of these women had left to go somewhere else. I was most frustrated but was unaware of what had been said.

I went back to work the next day and people acted differently towards me. I later found out from a good friend that this colleague had told everyone that I was gay.

I have no problem with people who are gay and this incident showed me what it must be like for them at times.

I went up and told this woman exactly what I thought of her and warned her never to spread any rumours about me again, as it would be the last rumour she would ever spread, if she did etc.

The next few days were quite unpleasant as people were treating me like some kind of leper. I did not try to convince them that I was straight as it should not be an issue in the first place.

After this I went to work with the sole intention of doing my job, I do not need these type of people in my life.

If you work with people like I have described above, I feel sorry for you. Try hard to not let them ruin your day at work as if they do, then they will have won.

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Stuttering Help

(category: Coaching, Word count: 441)
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How many fluent people ever consider what life is like for somebody with a stutter?

Going through life with a stutter is quite difficult, and at times the stutterer would appreciate a little more compasion.

After overcoming a stutter myself, I asked some of my friends, how they thought life was like, having a severe stutter. I had quite a few different responses, some of which annoyed me.

Jim said:

"I always thought that you felt a bit sorry for yourself and you made out that your stutter was some huge disasterous problem. It's not like you couldn't talk at all, is it?

I also felt at times that you lacked courage, for example always asking Tony to order your drinks for you."

Paul then gave his opinion:

"I found it quite funny that at times you would be talking really well, but within a few minutes you couldn't get a word out."

Ashley joined in:

"I felt a bit sorry for you, seeing you struggle, was quite painful to watch."- This was a better comment!

Nigel, another friend:

"I am glad that I don't stutter, but what I think you needed to understand was that you were not the only one with issues and problems. I am extremely impressed that you have managed to overcome it though."

I was annoyed mostly by the comments from Jim, and responded:

"So you think to have a stutter is not that bad then Jim? OK, I challenge you to go up to the bar and order a pint of lager, but when you order it I want you to stutter on some of the words."

I showed him how I wanted him to say the order, when to stutter etc. I then said:

"After you have stuttered on the words, I want you to see how it feels and to experience the way people look at you. You may then understand a little bit more of what I went through."

Jim declined this challenge, even after a severe amount of prompting and teasing from different members of our group.

Having a stutter is not nice and when someone who has a stutter seeks help, please offer them your full support.

I was quite fortunate in that some of my friends did go to the bar for me and my parents were quite prepared to make certain phone calls, like phoning the doctors and the car insurance.

At other periods in my life though, other people did make fun of me and at times I would become very depressed and withdrawn and would wonder why it was me who had a stutter.

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