5 Simple Steps To Controlling Your Anger
How many times have you lost control of yourself when you're angry? Did you do or said something which you regretted over time?
I guess we all did. It's normal, and afterall, we are just human beings.
Everyone of us faces problems with anger. The main difference between you and me is that, do you know how to gain control of your anger, instead of letting it control you.
It's not easy to gain control of your anger, especially when you are provoked into such situations. Nevertheless, if you are facing with this situation next time, you can try out my 5 simple steps.
Step 1 : Identify what makes you upset
Start with identifying what upsets your feelings or emotions. Pull yourself aside from everything you are doing or the anger situation you are in, then take a deep breathe and clear your mind. Think, what brought you into this situation.
You need to know what is wrong in order to correct it. Right?
Step 2 : Use them as a stop signal
When you are done with Step 1, you'd probably already knew what made you angry. You might not have the complete clear idea of it, but it's OK. At least you have "some" ideas.
Use these as stop signs for your anger. You're upset because the little voices inside your head are telling yourself upsetting things. This in return causes a stir in your feelings, therefore resulting in anger.
Stop all these little voices from talking within yourself, and you'll be able to think independantly and not being influenced by them and the situation.
Step 3 : Tell yourself positive things
It's important to think positive. You can counteract your upsetting thoughts with framing your mind to have a positive self-message. Tell yourself something nice that will make you feel better.
For instance, "this anger feeling is only temporary and I don't want to say or do something stupid which I will regret for my actions later."
Put the brakes on your feelings. Tell yourself to slow down and take it easy.
Step 4 : Make yourself clear
Clarify the situation for yourself. Ask yourself, "What is really going on in this situation?"
You can then feel disappointed with the situation but not enraged at the people who are creating it.
Step 5 : Think of constructive goals
Try to set more realistic goals for yourself in regard to the problem situation that you are in.
Ask yourself, "What are the alternative solutions that I use to resolve this situation?"
Be specific as possible, and concrete.
"What can you do to change this situation?"
List out the constructive options that you have in mind in which to reach your goals.
Ask yourself, "What constructive actions can I take to reach my goals?"
Finally, choose a constructive option to reach your goal and act fast on it.
The 5 simple steps that I had just pointed out to you are exactly what I do whenever I face with anger situations. You can try them out when you face with such situations.
Everyone gets angry at times, but the important thing is, "What can you do to overcome this situation?".
Gain control of your anger, rather than letting it control you.
How Can I Teach My Child To Live Life To The Full
I have spent many years trying to develop my inner self. It has not been easy. Overcoming my fears, inhibitions and inertia was difficult, but the effort has been worth it and I believe I live my life to its full potential. But how can I teach my child to live life to the full?
The search for self improvement is full of self doubt. I have spent years exploring many avenues and techniques; not all lead to anywhere meaningful. However, some things I learnt have helped me enormously. But I'm not confident that I have found the right answers. Other people I know have found great benefit from techniques and practices that were of no help to me. Likewise, what I find beneficial, others may not.
Meeting and falling in love with my wife was the best thing that has ever happened to me. The birth of our son brought us great joy. But as we settled into parenting, I became more and more worried about my ability to teach my son about the right approach to live life. I didn't want him to spend years, in later life, searching, as I had done, for answers as to how best to live life. I didn't want his life constrained like so many people's lives are today.
I had so many questions about the correct 'life coaching plan' I should use. How old should he be before I began teaching him techniques that I had learnt? What approach should I take? And were the techniques and practices I had learnt suitable for him? Did I have the ability to teach others?
It was my wife who provided the answer. Actually, we had a row. I was fretting, as usual, about our son, when my wife screamed at me to 'give it a rest!' When I retorted that I only wanted to help our child, she replied that it was me who wanted help and that our son needed no help at all. In fact, she said, if I continued like this, one thing was certain: our son would certainly spend many years as an adult, trying to sort out his life.
She was right of course. From that point on, I began to really observe my child and I began to realize that he had 'no issues' to sort out, no inhibitions, inertia, or self doubt. He's a dynamo, who is constantly exploring the world around him. He's always himself; he's in touch with his real, inner-self.
I have nothing to teach him. Sure, I can teach him to cross the road, walk down stairs holding the hand-rail and how to ride a bike. But I have nothing to teach him on how to live life. He's doing it all by himself. He's my teacher, and a good one at that.
Coaching Strategies The Twinkie Defense And 3 Other Strategies Lawyers Use
Using the skills, strategies, and smarts of lawyers, you'll be able to more effectively coach your employees to optimal performance. Here are 4 great tips to help you give constructive feedback in such a way that you motivate positive and productive performance...
1. Give evidence of performance to employee. In litigation, prosecutors are required to turn all of their evidence over to the defense. In order to be fair to employees, supervisors need to do the same thing. Tony frequently received disturbing memos from his district manager about his poor performance on sales calls. "You failed to cover the Five Points for Sales Excellence with a customer last month. This is unacceptable." Tony never received a monitoring sheet spelling out the discrepancies, never heard a tape of a recorded call, and he didn't even have the opportunity to defend himself because the cowardly manager simply shot her message off in a cold blunt memo.
Giving feedback the way Tony's district manager does is dangerous. It certainly isn't motivating Tony to improve.
Moreover, because the manager has provided no proof of the calls - no score sheet, no recording of the call, no date or time, and not even one specific statement about Tony's alleged ineffectiveness - Tony can't even defend his performance.
When monitoring and coaching employees, ALWAYS turn over the evidence of the call to them. This evidence may include a recorded call, Mystery Shopper score sheet, detailed notes from customer's account, etc.
2. Prepare for employee performance meetings in advance. No attorney would conduct a direct examination or cross examination without thoroughly and carefully pre planning their questions. I always prepare a loose script prior to meeting with employees about problem performance, even though I don't actually read from my script. Writing the discussion out reinforces it in my mind and allows me to be less concerned with covering all the basis and more concerned with my employee.
3. Ask open-ended questions. Asking a juror if they are for the death penalty yields a yes or no answer, but asking her how she feels about the death penalty gives the attorney the opportunity to learn more. Just the same, asking your employee if she thought the phone call in question was good will yield a yes or no answer, but asking her how she thought the call went gives her the opportunity to expound. My favorite open-ended coaching questions include: "If you could do this call over again, would you?" "Tell me about that caller." "Is there anything else about this call/customer that I haven't asked, but need to know?"
4. Don't allow the "Twinkie Defense." In court, defendants may stand behind a theory of the case called the "Twinkie Defense." This theory tries to throw the jury off the trail by blaming the client's bad actions on something else - he ate too many Twinkies, for instance, and was on a sugar high when he killed/robbed/raped/molested and therefore is not responsible for his actions. You may have encountered the Twinkie Defense with your employees: "I was late because traffic was unusually heavy and then when I got here the elevator was broken, therefore my tardiness is not my fault." Decide that employees will be held accountable for their actions and don't allow them to hide behind the Twinkie Defense. In response to the Twinkie Defense, you respond with, "This is about individual responsibility - not trying to hide behind excuses."
Deploy these field-tested and proven strategies and you'll be coaching employees like a pro!
Considering Becoming A Life Coach
As life coaching is gaining popularity, so is interest in becoming a life coach. Many people love the idea of working for themselves and being in a profession that helps others. If you are thinking about becoming a life coach, there are several factors you need to consider.
First, decide what type of life coach you want to become. The word "life" covers a lot of territory so life coaches tend to specialize in specific areas. These areas include career and finance, goal setting, relationships, weight loss/fitness and drugs and alcohol, just to name a few.
What is your passion and how do you want to inspire others to create success in their lives?
When thinking about what type of life coach you want to be, examine your career, education and life experience to find your current strengths.
Once you have an idea of what area you want to focus on, consider what a life coach does. This is tricky because there is no one definition or universal standard so several interpretations exist. You need to develop a format in which you will teach successful actions to your clients.
A qualified life coach can break down goals into manageable, easier to confront steps while showing the client effective techniques for completing them. Just knowing what and how is not enough because clients often get in their own way. The life coach will evaluate their progress and motivate them to implement a plan with consistent action to actually achieve desired results. Before you begin on this path, know that there is a difference between understanding what to do and being able to get someone to do it.
There are three essential elements involved in becoming a life coach and they are training, skills and education. When it comes to training, there are many life coaching academies that offer courses and some even offer accreditation. Many of these courses have actual and practical value. Please note that there is no federal or state agency that has an accreditation for life coaching and schools offering degrees are self-accredited.
If you are considering taking any of these courses first look into the costs involved. Often an inexpensive introductory course is offered only to get you started. Since costs can add up quickly, check into the length of time, the number of additional courses required and make sure to get referrals from other students. Another important point to check for first is whether or not the school provides adequate tools for practical application when working with clients. This will be very helpful for beginners in developing step-by-step methods for life coaching.
There are a few key skills that are absolutely essential. For starters, you need to be a good listener, a creative problem solver and have considerable knowledge of human behavior. You need to be able to set goals and develop plans of action to actualize them. Life coaching requires that you are organized and can keep meticulous attention to detail to monitor weekly results.
Patience and the ability to deal with frustration are critical. Clients don't always do what they agree to do and getting people to suddenly give up destructive behavior patterns can be a real challenge. You need to know how to motivate and be creative in overcoming obstacles and objections. You have to really like and care about people. You must also be able to accept failure as not all clients will change. There are a few more skills involved but these are fundamental.
A life coach should love education in order to stay informed of current advances and trends. The areas that require consistent study are psychology, goal setting, motivation, cognitive psychology, cognitive science, human behavior, habits of successful people, sleep patterns, relationships, business principles, principles of success, career development, drugs, alcohol, leadership, sales and more. A life coach is a relentless student of these subjects.
Life coaching is a proactive approach to resolving obstacles in an individual's life and it requires a clear picture of not only why and how, but also of step-by-step implementation and the ability to resolve blocks and setbacks as they come up. You'll need to combine these factors into a working platform to assist your clients in reaching their goals.
Finally, when you are ready to start life coaching, how are you going to get clients? The idea of working for yourself and helping people may sound great, and it is but it comes with its difficulties. You are not going to simply get business cards made then start filling your appointment book. Schools offering great careers as life-coaches will only be able to give you limited assistance in getting clients. After you spend your time and money either with a life coaching school or developing your own style of life coaching it will be up to you to get clients. You are one hundred percent responsible for your income and success.
You should enjoy networking and self-promoting. You can build a clientele through friends, networking groups, placing ads, professional relationships, and whatever other creative ways you can think of. As you get clients and earn a reputation, your business will grow through referrals. All this takes time, so be prepared.
As you are developing your business, you will have to overcome the obstacle of people questioning what a life coach does. Be prepared by asking yourself why someone would pay you to advise him or her and have a good answer. The answer you develop to that question will be the foundation for your success.
After considering all of these factors, if you decide to become a life coach you will be entering a dynamic field. Being able to actually help people create the life changes they want is a highly rewarding and exciting career. You'll be helping others gain success while creating your own!
Addiction To Worry
Carole started counseling with me because she was depressed. She had been ill with chronic fatigue syndrome for a long time and believed her depression was due to this. In the course of our work together, she became aware that her depression was actually coming from her negative thinking - Carole was a constant worrier. Many words out of her mouth centered around her concerns that something bad might happen. "What if I never get well?" "What if my husband gets sick?" "What if I run out of money?" (Carole and her husband ran a very successful business and there was no indication that it would not go on being successful). "What if my son gets into drugs?" "What if my kids don't get into good colleges?" "What if someone breaks into the house?"
Her worry was not only causing her depression, but was also contributing to her illness, if not actually causing it. Her worry caused so much stress in her body that her immune system could not do its job of keeping her well. Yet even the awareness that her worry was causing her depression and possibly even her illness did not stop Carole from worrying. She was addicted to it. She was unconsciously addicted to the sense of control that worry gave her.
I understood this well because I come from a long line of worriers. My grandmother's whole life was about worrying. She lived with us as I was growing up and I don't remember ever seeing her without a look of worry on her face. Same with my mother - constant worry. Of course, I picked up on it and also became a worrier. However, unlike my mother and grandmother, who worried daily until the day they died, I decided I didn't want to live that way. The turning point came for me the day my husband and I were going to the beach and I started to worry that the house would burn down and my children would die. I became so upset from the worry that we had to turn around and come home. I knew then that I had to do something about it.
As I started to examine the cause of worry, I realized that worriers believe that worry will stop bad things from happening. My mother worried her whole life and none of the bad things she worried about ever happened. She concluded that nothing bad happened because she worried! She really believed that she could control things with her worry. My father, however, never worried about anything, and nothing bad ever happened to him either. My mother believed that nothing bad happened to my father because of her worry! She really believed until the day she died (from heart problems that may have been due to her constant worry) that if she stopped worrying, everything would fall apart. My father is still alive at 92, even without her worrying about him!
It is not easy to stop worrying when you have been practicing worrying for most of your life. In order for me to stop worrying, I needed to recognize that the belief that worry has control over outcomes is a complete illusion. I needed to see that, not only is worry a waste of time, but that it can have grave negative consequences on health and well-being. Once I understood this, I was able to notice the stomach clenching that occurred whenever I worried and stop the thought that was causing the stress.
Carole is in the process of learning this. She sees that her worry makes her feel very anxious and depressed. She sees that when she doesn't worry, she is not nearly as fatigued as when she allows her addiction to worry to take over. She sees that when she stays in the moment rather than projecting into the future, she feels much better. The key for Carole in stopping worrying is in accepting that worry does not give her control.
Giving up the illusion of control that worry gives us not easy for anyone who worries. Yet there is an interesting paradox regarding worry. I have found that when I am in the present moment, I have a much better chance of making choices that support my highest good than when I'm stuck thinking about the future. Rather than giving us control, worry prevents us from being present enough to make loving choices for ourselves and others. Worrying actually ends up giving us less control rather than more!
Ways To Improve Your Lifestyle
Are you looking at ways to improve your lifestyle? Are you bored in your current role of employment? Do you think you could be achieving a lot more than you are at the moment? Are you seeking a new challenge? In this article, I give advice on how people can go about improving their lifestyle, this advice is based from my own personal experiences.
I believe that we should always be looking into ways of expanding our knowledge and should never just accept second best. The brain is very powerful and loves to be set a new challenge or to a learn a new task. It is what keeps it alive and ticking over. I am sure that we have all heard of the phrase, I think this job is making me brain dead. This is where someone has a role in employment that is not challenging them or their brain, and this can lead them into a state of boredom and even depression. Their mind and brains are desperate for something to get to grips with and something to test them.
I am always looking into finding new areas of life which I can learn about. Just recently I have been attempting to educate myself on the ins and outs of website promotion. This is something which is of great interest to me and I wanted to find out about how you can increase the amount of visitors you have to a website. I have spent a great deal of time studying this area and even though I feel that I have learnt a great deal, I would love to know a lot more. What I like about website promotion and website marketing is that the search engines are constantly changing their ideas of how best to rank a site, as they are fighting a constant battle against spam. This certainly keeps me on my toes. One thing I have learnt in this and other fields is that hard work pays off and if you attempt to defraud the search engines you are more than likely going to be found out. That is a good thing in my opinion.
I also like to help out people on a voluntary basis. This is something I would advise other people to do if they have the spare time as it can give you a real buzz knowing that you are helping somebody and it also keeps you busy. A lot of people who have too much time on their hands can easily find themselves becoming restless and this can lead them into thinking too much. These thoughts are normally worrying about something or other which of course is not very healthy or productive.
The people I help out on a voluntary basis are my parents who run a form of animal sanctuary from their home. My parents are both in the sixties and struggle to look after the many animals that live with them. I normally spend around twenty hours a week at their house, cleaning out and feeding the fifty rabbits, walking the dogs and feeding the cats. It is not exactly the most interesting of things to do, but I know that it is helping take some of the burden away from my mother and father.
In the past I have also attended evening study classes. This again is where I am trying to improve my knowledge and is something of course that I can include on my c.v. It is also a great way of meeting new people which is something I like to do.
In conclusion there are many ways in which we can become happier and more contented. Our life does not have to be boring and mundane, there is always options out there of how we can go about improving our lifestyle. Good luck.
12 Ways To Maximize Time And Life
My business experience has taught me one true thing: That maximizing your productivity, happiness, peace, or impact can best be accomplished if you clearly understand the 12 Rules of Time.
1. Have goals
Being more efficient with your time is irrelevant if you don't know how you want to spend it. In managing time, the compass is more important than the clock. Know where you want to go and spend your time on the things that get you there.
Many people spend energy trying to be more efficient without first doing what's important: setting goals. It's like being lost on your way to a new city. Driving faster doesn't help if you are going in the wrong direction. Figure out what direction to go in and head that way.
Once you've prepared it, your list of goals will reveal what is important to you.
2. Analyze how you spend your time
It is always good to know how you're spending your time right now. You can track this by setting a timer to go off every 15 minutes; whenever it sounds, write down exactly what you are doing. Alternatively, divide your day into 15-minute blocks and record each activity you do.
Once you have your time logs, examine them. How do they compare to your goals? Are you spending time where your priorities are?
3. Keep a to-do list
This sounds too simple, but it really is the basis of all time-management systems. Your to-do list can be electronic, on fancy paper, bound in a notebook or loose-leaf. The key is to have everything you want to accomplish on one list. My to-do list might have a one-line item on it, such as "write annual report," which refers me to a much larger file or even a file box on that item.
4. Prioritize your list
Once you have the list, determine which are the important items. Mark these with a highlighter, a red pen, or in any other way that makes them stand out.
I sometimes find my to-do list is too big. Every item on the list calls out "pay attention to me!", even though most of them weren't highlighted as important. In these cases, I take a blank sheet of paper and cover my to-do list and write down only the three or four most important items. Those are the ones to focus on.
5. Control procrastination
I use a number of tricks to break any lingering tendencies to procrastinate. For instance, I happen to like having a hard copy of my digital to-do list. I reprint it every few days as new items are added and completed ones dropped. It is at these times that I look for the items that I've marked as high priority, but which are just not getting done.
People often say I have great self-control. In truth, though, much of it is environment control. I control my environment to eliminate things that I might use to procrastinate. Take games off your computer, for example, sell your TV, and get rid of the busywork jobs that you use to avoid the important tasks.
I have developed one effective habit that has helped break me of procrastination: "Do the worst thing first." At the beginning of every day, I do the one task that is causing me the most stress, and that I haven't been getting done. Sometimes I just give it a quarter of an hour
All of us would love to have personal power - the power to manifest our dreams, the power to remain calm and loving in the face of fear, the power to stay centered in ourselves in the face of attack.
Our society often confuses personal power - "power within" - with "power over," which is about controlling others. There is a vast difference between personal power and control.
Personal power comes from an inner sense of security, from knowing who you are in your soul, from having defined your own intrinsic worth. It is the power that flows through you when you are connected to and feel your oneness with a spiritual source of guidance. It is the power that is the eventual result of doing deep inner emotional and spiritual work to heal the fears and false beliefs acquired in childhood.
Without this inner work to heal the beliefs that create our limitations, we are stuck in our egos, our wounded selves. The very basis of the ego is the desire for control, for power over others and outcomes.
Our ego is the self we created to attempt to have control over getting love, avoiding pain, and feeling safe. We created our ego self in our attempt to protect ourselves from the losses we fear - loss of self, loss of other, loss of security, loss of face. As children, when we didn't get the love we needed, we decided that our true Self must be unlovable. In our attempt to feel safe, we buried our true Self and created the false self - the ego, our wounded self. The ego self then went about learning how to feel safe through trying to control others and outcomes. The ego believes that having control over how people see us and feel about us, as well as over the outcome of things, will give us the safety we seek.
Even if you do manage to have some control through anger, criticism, judgment, or money, this will never give you personal power. This will never fill you with peace and joy and an inner sense of safety. Control may give you a momentary sense of safety, but it will never give you the deep sense of safety that comes from knowing your intrinsic worth, the worth of your soul. As long as your safety and worth are being defined by externals which can be temporary - your money, your looks, your performance, your power over others - you will feel anxious. We feel anxious when we attach our worth and happiness to temporal things rather than to eternal qualities, such as caring, compassion, and kindness.
For example, Walter is a man who has tremendous power over others but no personal power. Walter has made millions as the president of a large investment company. He has a lovely wife, three grown children, and two beautiful homes. Yet Walter is often anxious. He worries about losing his money. He is easily triggered into anger when things don't go his way and people don't behave in the way he wants. Because his heart is not open, he is a lonely man.
Walter operates totally out of his ego self, believing that having control through anger and money will bring him the happiness and safety he seeks. Yet he has achieved everything he believed would bring him happiness and safety and what he feels most of the time is anxious and lonely. Walter is empty inside. He has no sense of his true Self, no sense of the beauty within him, no sense of his lovability and intrinsic worth. His life is based on externals rather then on the spiritual values of love, compassion, honesty and kindness.
Personal power comes from embracing spiritual values rather than just earthly values. It comes from making love, kindness and compassion - toward oneself and others - more important than power over others. It comes from doing the inner work necessary to allow the soul to have dominion over the body, rather than allowing the animal instincts of fight or flight - the instincts of the body - to have dominion over our choices. When the soul has dominion over the body, you have the power to manifest your dreams, to stay centered in the face of attack, to remain loving in the face of fear. When the soul has dominion over the body, you have tremendous personal power.
What Is A Singing Voice Lesson
If you are interested in becoming a professional singer or even if you are just interested in taking singing lessons for fun it is likely that you may be interested in receiving some professional assistance. When looking for professional assistance many individuals come across something known as a singing voice lesson. Many individuals may already know what a singing voice lesson is; however, if you are new to the world of singing then you may not.
A signing voice lesson is technically just another term used to describe a singing lesson. Each day there are a large number of singing lessons that are given around the world. These singing lessons can occur in a school, in a home, or an offsite business location. While a singing lesson and a voice singing lesson are similar they do have a few differences.
Many traditional singing lessons focus on a wide variety of different things. Of course a person's ability to sing is considered; however, that is not always all that is taken into consideration. Many traditional singing lessons focus on a person's posture, body language, and their ability to sing. Singing lessons also tend to offer singing help on common music genres instead of just focusing on one.
A singing voice lesson may focus on other things besides a person's voice; however, that tends to be the main focus. It is also common for many singing voice lessons to be tailored to a specific genre of music. There are many individuals who wish to learn how to sing in general, but others may be more focused on singing in a specific music genre. Rap music does not sound anything like country music; therefore, different singing approaches are often taken.
Individuals wishing to take a singing voice lesson have a number of options to choose from. There are many aspiring singers who prefer to work one-on-one with a music teacher or a voice coach. These lessons are often costly because they often require a large amount of time and travel. A cheaper way that many aspiring singers choose to have a singing voice lesson is by purchasing singing voice lesson music equipment.
Online and in retail stores across America there are a large number of singing resources. It is possible to purchasing a singing voice lesson DVD or CD. These items cost less than most face-to-face singing lessons. Aspiring singers are only required to pay for the singing voice lesson DVD or CD once, but they can use them over and over again. This is beneficial to a wide number of singers because usually more than one lesson needs to be taken to show improvement.
When looking to take a singing voice lesson individuals are encouraged to consider their financial resources and what they hope to get in return for taking a singing voice lesson. Individuals who are unable to pay for a one-on-one singing voice lesson are encouraged to considering purchasing a DVD or CD. These items are great resources for aspiring singers who are limited as to how much money they can put into their career.
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