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Prevent Divorce Basics

(category: Divorce, Word count: 821)
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Your marriage is in trouble, and you know that even though you want to get it all over with that you still love your partner and that you will probably regret your actions in the near future, the action needed is clear- you need to prevent divorce.

Divorce is not the answer, and rushing into one is a big mistake, the divorce process will eliminate your chances of rebuilding your relationship, so you better consider this move carefully and be absolutely sure that you have exhausted all the means and ways to improve your relationship.

Your spouse does not understand you, and both of you are not communicating any more, it seems as though there is a huge gap between you, that even the smallest things makes you upset about each other, and that what was once easy and fun has now become unbearable. Preventing divorce is not about compromise, preventing divorce is about rediscovering your relationship.

The changes in relationships seem almost impossible, from once passionate lovers that could not bare being apart couples change into two different people that sometimes seek the opportunity to be as separate from one another as possible. The dangers of the growing distance between couple raises questions in their minds and in many cases this ends in a divorce.

Every person is different, every couple has its own unique story, but the bottom line is usually this - one or both partners think that it is impossible to turn the relationship into something that will flourish again, with the hope of regaining the love of the other lost the partners turn into the simplest and what seems like the easiest solution, instead of fighting and arguing over and over again, the clean cut divorce looks like a good solution.

Sometimes and in some cases this is probably the best way to go, divorce for some couples is the best answer to a hopeless situation. But if you are one of the many people who feel that not all hope is gone and that you wish to continue building the relationship you have with your partner, who at a certain time was the closest to you, this is the place to start looking inwards and outwards and work to regain your harmoniums loving relationship once again.

Good relationships start with good communication, it is almost sure that you once had a relationship with good communication, you can probably remember the days when you didn't have enough time with your spouse to talk about all the plans you had for your life and to share your thoughts? How long has it been now? How many years since you last had a really good communication exchange? After you've exhausted the discussion about the children's schedule, who has to drop off the dry cleaning and when you will visit your in-laws, do you find yourself at a loss for words?

You are not alone. There is nothing wrong with either of you. You are probably just mired in everyday life and because your daily schedule is so hectic, over the years you simply ran out of time for casual and enjoyable discussion. And, now you can't even remember how to even talk to your spouse, stopping or preventing a divorce will mean that you will need to rethink the way you communicate.

Good communication is not so hard and it is vital for preventing a divorce, it is just plain simple work, until you get used to it. Instead of talking about the regular things, you will need to think a little harder and try a lot harder. Talk about real things, not the work routine and the children's activities think of things you want to talk about, you'll find yourself anxious to get home to share the information with your spouse. Avoid the topics that do not interest you spouse, remember that this is about the both of you, and what you find interesting, just finding this topic will earn you points for trying, do not plan ahead too much - just let yourself into a discussion about things you have not discussed for long.

Listen to the news in the morning or on your way to work. When you are listening, try to focus on those things you think your spouse would find interesting. What would she tell you about? Then ask her if she heard the story, and what she thought about it.

Talk about things you want to plan or do over the next month or two. Vacation planning is a good topic, but only if you are both looking forward to going and if you are both actively involved in planning for the vacation.

Preventing divorce is a complicated issue - not impossible one. You will need to invest time and energy into you marriage now, and do everything you can to prevent divorce. Good luck!.

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Are You Prepared For Your Child Custody Hearing

(category: Divorce, Word count: 498)
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The court plays a significant role in determining what is in the 'best interests' of your child. The court considers all aspects including physical, educational, spiritual, emotional as well as preferential requirements of a child, so it makes a study of homes of both parents, along with schools, location, neighborhoods and facilities, before making a decision on custody.

Although the courts have the best interests in mind, there can't be anyone more important in making the best decision for their children than parents. Parents should try and settle their Child Custody issues outside the courts. A custody decision arrived on your own with two agreeing parents is more desirable than the one which is disputed a determined by the court.

Preparing for the Child Custody trial, you should possess certain documents and information related to your children, which will help determine the best interests of your child. It is better if you maintained a record of your children's life about events which affect them, like visiting with the other parent, grandparents, doctor's appointment, school activities, family and religious activities, medical appointments and counseling dates, etc. You should support your position, by keeping notes with you regarding,

1) Parent's Home: This factors determines whether you can provide good surroundings and adequate shelter for your children, the size of the house, neighborhood, availability of help and babysitters, hospitals, bathrooms, bedrooms, etc. play a significant role in determining the best one for the child. Though not an important point, it does help make a good impression.

2) New Relationships: This is a comparatively irrelevant factor in determining Child Custody cases, the court will consider this factor if only the relationship makes any impact on the child's well being. If the new relationship does not play any important relationship then this point will not be relevant to determination of Child custody.

3) Status Quo: It is an important factor in determining custody case, if a child's parents reside in different districts, it in unlikely that the court will order to change the residence during the academic year, especially if the child is being properly brought up. If you want a change in status quo, you will be required to furnish a strong reason for this. A good example would be an issue with the current conditions unsafe for the child.

4) Child's Preference: A child's preference is not considered by the court since the court will not give a child to make a decision for himself, however this might not be the case if the child happens to be a teenager and possess enough power to think and evaluate position.

5) Parent's Availability: Full time parenting has an advantage over working full time for supporting oneself. However, the court might not deter from giving you the custody only because you need to work to support yourself and your child.

These are just a few things to consider while preparing for your Child Custody case.

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When Does A Child Custody Battle Go Too Far This Was Our Story

(category: Divorce, Word count: 650)
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A divorce is stressful enough, but when child custody is involved it can get ugly really quick. Unfortunately, there are times when the underlying reason for child custody isn't about the children at all. It's just one more way to get back at their Ex for all the "horrible things" that they have done. This is the worst situation because the only one who ends up getting hurt is the children. That's why I felt compelled to write this article. My wife and I have been have been in a "heated" battle for her daughter for over a year now. Her ex-husband is a manipulative "know it all" who is purposely limiting my wife's contact with her daughter. My wife lost custody several years ago when she had to leave the state they were living in because of the constant harassment and threats being made by her Ex. At the time, the judge could not make a decision on custody and my wife was not allowed to take her daughter out of the state. It was not long after that her Ex's high price attorney was able to get the judge to grant him full custody simply because my wife now lived out-of-state. Needless to say, my wife was devastated. She didn't think it could happen just like that with no consideration given to her situation. So in an instant, she went from having 50:50 custody to seeing her daughter only 6 weeks out of the year.

A couple of years later, I came into the picture and was able to convince my wife that she needs to stop being afraid of her Ex and it was time to fight for her right to be a mother to her daughter. That was easier said than done. By that time, her Ex had used his influence over his daughter to get her to blame my wife for everything that had happened. Soon the phone calls got shorter and shorter, and her daughter started saying awful things to my wife things that just tore her up inside. This 5-year girl was "yelling" at her mother for breaking up the family, for causing all her daddy's "money problems", and for leaving her behind to be with her "new husband". None of which it true, but try explaining that to a 5-year old girl over the telephone with her Daddy sitting beside her and listening to the entire conversation. My wife was an utter mess, and even started blaming herself for what was going on.

We finally decided enough was enough, but we had no idea what to do next. I research everything. I'm all over the internet look for tip and strategies, anything that can give us an idea on how to deal with a child custody issue. And wouldn't you know it; all I get are law firms that tell you that all you have to do is get the right lawyer. So that is what we did. We gathered all the money that we could, our entire savings and then some, and then hired a lawyer. A lawyer who called our situation an "atrocity", and that he would do everything in his power to put a stop to it. And so it began, the child custody battle was in full swing. But after the first motion was sent out by our lawyer, we heard nothing. Days, weeks went by and no response, and when we tried to get in touch with our lawyer we had to set up an appointment where we would get charged $250 an hour to talk to him over the phone. A year goes by and nothing happens, except for the judge telling my wife's Ex to stop turning her daughter against her. And did I mention, we had a nice $16,000 lawyer bill.

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Divorce And Rowing To Emotional Recovery

(category: Divorce, Word count: 704)
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Late summer of '92. Bent over, arms on knees, resting, trying to recover from a long hard row against the tidal current. Pleased with this not-so-easy accomplishment. Too bad there wasn't an audience, someone to do the clapping, to deliver accolades. She is no longer here, my wife. Perhaps she is with him right now. Having a morning coffee, or sharing a shower.

Back then, before the recovery, I was adrift and afloat in self-pity. Wondering for the hundredth time. What did I do to deserve this? Why me? Why did our friends abandon me too? The questions unanswered, floating out to sea, then sinking.

It's was like this for a while, owning this deep feeling of loss and hope. Still expecting her to show up at our favourite dock-side restaurant, her smile radiating, her arms open. At home the deck lights were always on, waiting her return. Sitting at the window, watching the rain, waiting for the taxi.

The emotional steps leading from the first shock of betrayal to the cleansing action of divorce is similar to the steps dealing with death. And in the early stages I sometimes preferred death. Friends tried to help with their professional advice, mostly they said it will get better with time. "You'll be fine." "You just need time to heal" That was a good one, like if it were only as simple as a broken leg, or hole in the hull. Those I could fight, those I could understand. Friends told me about:

- Denial

- Anger , resentment and fear

- Withdrawal and grieving

- Acceptance

- Action

Did I listen then? I said I did, but in the early stages it's impossible. Months later, visiting a friend in a hospital room I found myself saying the same things. My words sounding terribly false and hollow against his real pain, his discomfort and fear. "You'll be fine" In his case, like mine, it was true, we both recovered.

I remember my anger, experiencing it as feeling down or depressed. Left unresolved, this anger could have ruined my career, business opportunities and my health. All of these feelings lowered my sense of self-worth and self-esteem. At this point, motivation and drive to try new things disappeared, resulting in less and less confidence in my abilities.

I began to worry and over-think, creating feelings of anxiety. I worried about many things, especially not ever letting anyone into my life. I could justify being a castaway, safely at anchor, alone. I continued to have work problems and developed a sleep disorder. I found comfort in plotting fanciful revenge. If left unchecked this pattern would continue into a downward spiral, creating more fear, more anger or depression lower self-esteem and more worry and anxiety.

The simple truth is that I had a good marriage with a good wife. She left. Yes I had generous feelings of betrayal; how could she do this to me? I had constant feelings of loss. Driving our car, turning to see the passenger seat empty would fill me with unseen tears. Somehow things changed for me; sure the counseling helped, but mostly the change happened when I finally gave myself permission to move on. To accept things for what they are, to accept the new opportunities, to see the door open, not closed.

I dreaded the thought of divorce. I had worried about divorce for a long time before I had the nerve and courage to take this final action. I spend many nights saying it was OK to do it, then I'd put it off for one good reason after another. I told myself the money was too tight, knowing the lie. I told myself I would do it after the holidays, or maybe next month, or next week.

Intellectually I was aware of the immediate benefits of getting divorced, and since there was nobody seeking my hand I kept postponing, procrastinating. The day I filed my divorce papers was a day of discovery. I discovered relief from anxiety and a freedom I did not expect. The day I filed was a day of new beginnings, a day of new life.

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Divorce Are You Heading Towards It Test Now

(category: Divorce, Word count: 294)
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Divorce is not like a volcano. One fine day, we find that a volcano has erupted. Divorce happens over a period of time. The relationship breaks down continuously and we realize that life can no longer be lived together. Many couples wake up when the break down has become total. That becomes very difficult to save the marriage. After that they spend endless nights worrying about what to do - To go for divorce or not? Why not to take care of the relationship today and find out how it is and what care it needs. What changes will make it better? And improve it before it reaches the brink?

Ask questions such as - Am I happy in my marriage/ Is my partner happy? Am I emotionally satisfied? What about my partner? Is marriage giving us joy or pain? Are we still in love? Is one of us feeling victimized? Shall we grow together till our old age? Are we loyal to each other? What kind of relationship do we share now? Are we feeling sick of each other? And so on. Raise as many questions about your marriage, yourself and your partner as you can think of. Take some online tests and quizzes on marriage and relationship. That will give lot of thought to your mind.

As you think of questions, you will start thinking more deeply about where you are heading. Find out all that is going wrong. Try to improve that. Discuss with your partner about what you think. Find out all that is going right. Make it still better. Think, plan and act. Before thinking, test your marriage in all the possible ways. Wake up now. Tomorrow may be too late.

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Credit And Divorce

(category: Divorce, Word count: 773)
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Mary and Bill recently divorced. Their divorce decree stated that Bill would pay the balances on their three joint credit card accounts. Months later, after Bill neglected to pay off these accounts, all three creditors contacted Mary for payment. She referred them to the divorce decree, insisting that she was not responsible for the accounts. The creditors correctly stated that they were not parties to the decree and that Mary was still legally responsible for paying off the couple's joint accounts. Mary later found out that the late payments appeared on her credit report.

If you've recently been through a divorce - or are contemplating one - you may want to look closely at issues involving credit. Understanding the different kinds of credit accounts opened during a marriage may help illuminate the potential benefits - and pitfalls - of each.

There are two types of credit accounts: individual and joint. You can permit authorized persons to use the account with either. When you apply for credit - whether a charge card or a mortgage loan - you'll be asked to select one type.

Individual or Joint Account

Individual Account: Your income, assets, and credit history are considered by the creditor. Whether you are married or single, you alone are responsible for paying off the debt. The account will appear on your credit report, and may appear on the credit report of any "authorized" user. However, if you live in a community property state (Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington, or Wisconsin), you and your spouse may be responsible for debts incurred during the marriage, and the individual debts of one spouse may appear on the credit report of the other.

Advantages/Disadvantages: If you're not employed outside the home, work part-time, or have a low-paying job, it may be difficult to demonstrate a strong financial picture without your spouse's income. But if you open an account in your name and are responsible, no one can negatively affect your credit record.

Joint Account: Your income, financial assets, and credit history - and your spouse's - are considerations for a joint account. No matter who handles the household bills, you and your spouse are responsible for seeing that debts are paid. A creditor who reports the credit history of a joint account to credit bureaus must report it in both names (if the account was opened after June 1, 1977).

Advantages/Disadvantages: An application combining the financial resources of two people may present a stronger case to a creditor who is granting a loan or credit card. But because two people applied together for the credit, each is responsible for the debt. This is true even if a divorce decree assigns separate debt obligations to each spouse. Former spouses who run up bills and don't pay them can hurt their ex-partner's credit histories on jointly-held accounts.

Account "Users"

If you open an individual account, you may authorize another person to use it. If you name your spouse as the authorized user, a creditor who reports the credit history to a credit bureau must report it in your spouse's name as well as in your's (if the account was opened after June 1, 1977). A creditor also may report the credit history in the name of any other authorized user.

Advantages/Disadvantages: User accounts often are opened for convenience. They benefit people who might not qualify for credit on their own, such as students or homemakers. While these people may use the account, you - not they - are contractually liable for paying the debt.

If You Divorce

If you're considering divorce or separation, pay special attention to the status of your credit accounts. If you maintain joint accounts during this time, it's important to make regular payments so your credit record won't suffer. As long as there's an outstanding balance on a joint account, you and your spouse are responsible for it.

If you divorce, you may want to close joint accounts or accounts in which your former spouse was an authorized user. Or ask the creditor to convert these accounts to individual accounts.

By law, a creditor cannot close a joint account because of a change in marital status, but can do so at the request of either spouse. A creditor, however, does not have to change joint accounts to individual accounts. The creditor can require you to reapply for credit on an individual basis and then, based on your new application, extend or deny you credit. In the case of a mortgage or home equity loan, a lender is likely to require refinancing to remove a spouse from the obligation.

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Divorce How To Do It Yourself

(category: Divorce, Word count: 522)
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There are some things in life you will surely enjoy doing yourself: building a birdcage, making a sand castle, maybe even something as ambitious as buying a house. But self-filing for divorce can really be a headache if you don't know what you're getting yourself into. It may also be an emotionally painful experience, so make sure you have your ducks in a row before you research your options.

Here are a few tips on how to go about the important task of filing for divorce so it is hassle-free.

The reason you might file for divorce without the help of a lawyer or legal service is because it is simply a lot cheaper. The filing fee, to begin with, will probably be over $100 and if a response is filed, that number will only go up. It's understandable if you want to avoid any extra expenses, especially considering the financial and emotional toll a divorce takes on everyone involved.

But unless you have a strong grasp on what you're doing, then that lawyer or legal service might be a resource you regret not investing in. Nonetheless, here's how to file for divorce on your own.

There are a handful of requirements that you have to meet before you should even consider filing for divorce. In some states, you'll have to meet even more than the following requirements, but here's a basic idea:

"Whatever state you are filing for divorce in, you must have lived there for at least six months. As for county, your residency requirement is three months. (These state and county residency requirements may vary, depending on the region of the United States.)

"Do you have legal grounds to divorce? "Irreconcilable difficulties" is the most commonly cited reason for a divorce and it has an extremely broad definition, meaning it is rare that it's illegal for someone to file for divorce. If you've faced marital problems that have hurt the marriage and are irreconcilable, then you have legal grounds. There is also the option of "incurable sanity" that is only used in extreme circumstances.

"You will file for divorce in your county; the action for divorce must be presented in the court of your jurisdiction. It may difficult or a piece of cake to track down the proper court.

If your divorce is uncontested, it's fairly uncomplicated to file for divorce. It's when your husband or wife responds with a counteraction of some type that it starts to get rocky and a lawyer isn't really expendable. There are even online resources right now that allow you to do all your filing over the Internet; these usually cost money to use however.

In summary, to self file for divorce, you will need to fulfill the above requirements and file a petition for divorce with the correct court in your county and state. (More populated counties may have multiple locations that you'll have to review before filing.) Remember to check into your local requirements, for legal grounds and jurisdictions, so you aren't hit with any unpleasant surprises and hangups.

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Break Ups And Doubts

(category: Divorce, Word count: 239)
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Shall I break-up? Am I right? Or my thinking is wrong somewhere? What if I hurt my partner with the break-up? What if I cannot live normally after break-up? Shall I recover from it? Should I break-up? I am having doubts about the reasons. I am doubtful about the consequences. I am confused. What shall I do?

After life reaches a stage where living together becomes very painful, one begins thinking of break-up. But the doubts can be overwhelming sometimes. They can mar the judgment. They confuse the thinking. This makes life further trouble some. What is the way out?

The first step should be giving your mind little rest. A tense mind tends to lose the way. Relax and let go of these thoughts for few days. Involve yourself in other activities. Relaxing your mind will give you some peace and help you think well. After you begin feeling peaceful, begin writing down your reasons for breaking up. Don't miss anything. Write down all the reasons clearly and write explanations wherever needed. This will give you further insight into why you want to break-up.

Pluses and Minuses - write down both pluses and minuses of the break-up. Read them carefully and weigh them. If necessary, consult a close friend. After you become sure that you must break-up and that will be in your interest and in the interest of your partner, go ahead.

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Unhealthy Emotions Associated With Being Dumped

(category: Divorce, Word count: 557)
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Being dumped can be a traumatic experience for anyone. Relationships are complex and difficult at times. While some people who are dumped seem to find a way to move on without much damage, most people who are dumped have serious emotional issues. Some of the negative reactions to the difficult emotions that come out of the break up can seriously affect the way a person functions and the person's ability to function in life. Finding a positive way to deal with these difficult and possibly harmful negative reactions to these feelings can help you deal with being dumped and move on with your life. Just a few of the emotions you may encounter are hatred, embarrassment and sadness.

Hatred is a common feeling to have after being dumped. The common question is, "Why Me?" You may experience hatred toward a person that has dumped you, mutual friends that disassociate with you after the break up, and anyone who may subsequently date your ex after you break up. Dealing with hatred in a positive way is very important because this emotion has a very bad habit of being a festering emotion. If you have hatred inside, you may even be physically affected. Hatred is an awful emotion that can have severe effects. If you are consumed by this negative emotion, it is hard to live your life, move on from a broken relationship, and even go about day to day responsibilities normally.

Another emotion you may experience is embarrassment. A lot of times, embarrassment stems from self-esteem issues, as well as feeling like everyone around is laughing at you. After you have been dumped, the best way to move past feeling embarrassed is to know that you are a worthwhile person and that you are not the only person who has been dumped. Lift your head and know that you have great qualities that someone else will admire later on in a different relationship, and simply work on getting to know yourself and being the person you want to be. Anyone who would laugh at you after such a painful experience is not worth even wasting time to think about.

One more emotion you may experience in the case of being dumped is sadness. This one will only heal after time. There is almost always regret when you are broken up with and the only cure for this emotion is taking time to let yourself heal. Indulge in some self-pity, but not for long. Get pampered, spend a little money on yourself, and try to remember that you are a worthy human being. Sadness will pass and you will be able to move on with your life in a positive manner. If you allow yourself to get wrapped up in sadness, you can get into a funk that is very difficult to get out of. Simply waking up and getting on with your regular routine can help you take one day at a time to your recovery.

No matter what seemingly negative emotions you experience after being dumped, and there are a variety of many of them, the way to move past them is to react to them in the most positive way you can. This is a key to moving on with your life and living a successful and happy life.

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