Divorce Tips To Get Through And Beat The Stress
Going through a divorce can leave you angry, in grief and filled with mixed emotions. In other words, it can be a time of intense stress.
During this period you may feel like your life is falling apart. However, the end of marriage can be the beginning of personal growth - after you get your stress under control.
To help you get your life back on track, experts recommend working on yourself from the inside out.
For example, studies show that taking an all-natural supplement, like Vital StressX can help the body's natural defenses fight against the emotional wear and tear of a divorce, such as lack of sleep. Made by CyberWize.com, Vital StressX contains a unique combination of seven herbs, called "adaptogens," that help your body regulate cortisol, the "stress hormone."
"By taking Vital StressX each day, you'll increase your body's tolerance to stressful conditions, helping you become balanced and active once more," said Dr. Robert D'Amico, an osteopathic specialist in Tarpon Springs, Fla.
In addition, CyberWize.com offers the following stress-relieving tips to help you get through your divorce.
* Write a letter to your ex-spouse. Getting your feelings out of your system is a healthy way to start recovering from anger, resentment and other emotions. But after you're finished writing the letter, don't send it. Rip up the note and throw it away along with your sorrows.
* Seek counseling. Discussing the failed relationship with a professional can help you identify what went wrong and figure out what you need to do to recover and learn from the experience. Also, it can help you share your deepest feelings in a safe, secure environment where you won't be judged.
* Sweat it out. Exercising regularly does more than keep you fit. It also releases endorphins and is a great outlet for anger.
Cheap divorce is possible if you are fully aware of all the possible expenses involved. And keep an eye on them. It may require double the effort and attention to try and keep your expenses down to a minimum. But if it really is your main goal and aim it will be worth the try. Try to put your focus on the variables like certain legal representation or the cost of different divorce kits or divorce form packages. Cutting costs here and there can save you money in the big picture.
The actual cost of divorce may range, from context to context. The total number of hours spent on the case and your lawyer's rate will determine the amount due. To keep track of costs, you must be aware of the Retainer Agreement. Different lawyers vary in their rates for particular duties. Make sure to check out the ranges and choose your attorney accordingly. The hourly rates of these associates or paralegals will be less than their seniors and this can result in a reduction of overall legal costs.
You will have to scout around for a lawyer. By doing this, you will be able to figure out what the prevailing professional rate is. Once you have points for comparison, you may then further investigate those rates which are significantly lower than the rest.
To save you some time, it would be good to ask your friends or relatives for recommendations.
When you have chosen an attorney that offers a lower rate, it's important to inform him/her that you seriously want to cut down on your costs.
In a do-it-yourself divorce isn't just about filing papers by yourself, you have got to discuss the terms of the divorce with the other party. Make sure that the both of you can reach a decision regarding the division of property. If you do decide on a do-it-yourself divorce, you will have to acquire the needed forms from on-line or a store in order to file the papers.
Representing yourself in court is your right. But it follows that you will abide by the rules like an attorney would. Remember, whatever you may know of court cases from televisio may not exactly be what's proper or correct. If you are considering representing yourself in court for your divorce, there are a number of things you must know.
A divorce kit contains guidelines for pursuing a divorce in a certain state, as well as forms that you may simply fill in and present to the court. Most of these kits are marketed with the concept of fast and trouble-free outcomes. These divorce kits are easily found on the internet, but they may be available in certain publication stores.
A divorce kit may offer the advantages of a quick divorce but it requires careful follow-through.
Online divorce forms may be grouped according to kind or by state because of the specific requirements that may vary from state to state. They may also come in packages depending on your state and the context of your divorce.
Forms from generic legal books, may easily become rejected by the court if specific requirements of the state you reside in are not addressed. Also, online divorce forms can be updated much easier and quicker than those found in legal self-help references. You can be assured of updated divorce forms and material.
By searching for free divorce forms and papers on the internet, you can get a head start on the separation between you and your spouse. Checking out any free divorce forms and papers that you may have access to over the internet gives you a chance to understand precisely what may be required during the process of divorce. Just going over the sample forms over the internet can provide you with the knowledge you need in order to familiarize yourself with the necessary procedures in order to finalize a divorce.
Divorce How To Do It Yourself
There are some things in life you will surely enjoy doing yourself: building a birdcage, making a sand castle, maybe even something as ambitious as buying a house. But self-filing for divorce can really be a headache if you don't know what you're getting yourself into. It may also be an emotionally painful experience, so make sure you have your ducks in a row before you research your options.
Here are a few tips on how to go about the important task of filing for divorce so it is hassle-free.
The reason you might file for divorce without the help of a lawyer or legal service is because it is simply a lot cheaper. The filing fee, to begin with, will probably be over $100 and if a response is filed, that number will only go up. It's understandable if you want to avoid any extra expenses, especially considering the financial and emotional toll a divorce takes on everyone involved.
But unless you have a strong grasp on what you're doing, then that lawyer or legal service might be a resource you regret not investing in. Nonetheless, here's how to file for divorce on your own.
There are a handful of requirements that you have to meet before you should even consider filing for divorce. In some states, you'll have to meet even more than the following requirements, but here's a basic idea:
"Whatever state you are filing for divorce in, you must have lived there for at least six months. As for county, your residency requirement is three months. (These state and county residency requirements may vary, depending on the region of the United States.)
"Do you have legal grounds to divorce? "Irreconcilable difficulties" is the most commonly cited reason for a divorce and it has an extremely broad definition, meaning it is rare that it's illegal for someone to file for divorce. If you've faced marital problems that have hurt the marriage and are irreconcilable, then you have legal grounds. There is also the option of "incurable sanity" that is only used in extreme circumstances.
"You will file for divorce in your county; the action for divorce must be presented in the court of your jurisdiction. It may difficult or a piece of cake to track down the proper court.
If your divorce is uncontested, it's fairly uncomplicated to file for divorce. It's when your husband or wife responds with a counteraction of some type that it starts to get rocky and a lawyer isn't really expendable. There are even online resources right now that allow you to do all your filing over the Internet; these usually cost money to use however.
In summary, to self file for divorce, you will need to fulfill the above requirements and file a petition for divorce with the correct court in your county and state. (More populated counties may have multiple locations that you'll have to review before filing.) Remember to check into your local requirements, for legal grounds and jurisdictions, so you aren't hit with any unpleasant surprises and hangups.
Child Custody In And Out Of Court Settling Of San Diego Divorce Cases
With the increase in the number of San Diego divorce cases, there comes a complication of the issue of child custody to an extent that could not have been imagined before. A San Diego divorce case does not entail just the problem of the separation of the two spouses, but also the division of assets, assigning child custody and handling the taxes in a beneficial way for the divorcing parties. Because of the legal complications of the San Diego divorce cases and the associated child custody hearings, lawyers find themselves getting closer and closer to the separating couple, to the extent of becoming some sort of personal advisors. On many occasions, the lawyer is the only one to be able to properly deal with the complexities of a San Diego divorce. A San Diego divorce can become so stressful that the members of the couple end up losing control of their behavior, especially when child custody is at stake.
The issue of child custody may appear during several stages of a San Diego divorce case. For one thing, given the delicate nature of the situation, the attorneys may advise the couple to settle child custody out of court, so as not to leave the final decision in the hands of a judge that does not personally know the family and their circumstances. However, the question of children can be so hard to agree on, that the parents may just decide to leave it up to the court and then a large portion of a San Diego divorce trial will focus on child custody. According to the judges, the toughest question to settle during a San Diego divorce is precisely whom to leave the children with. Usually, a San Diego divorce and the associated child custody battle will be settled in favor of the mother.
The ruling passed by the judge may not be the final word in a San Diego divorce case though. After the confrontation in court, the struggle of the San Diego divorce can continue unofficially and may even take on violent forms. Especially as regards child custody, things can get rough, as one of the parents may decide to by-pass the decision made during the San Diego divorce trial and kidnap the child from the custodian parent. Although this is not the norm, it can happen that emotionally unstable parents feel the decision of the judge to be so unjust that they have to take the issue into their own hands. The kidnapping is possible because the child will trust the non-custodial parent, so the little one may be taken away without much ado. If there is a need for a stronger confrontation, the threat of fire weapons may be used, which is possible in the case of a San Diego divorce given the extensive availability of fire guns in California.
When the situation gets aggravated to such an extent, it is usually only the divorce lawyer that can intervene. The attorney will first establish the legal framework for getting the child back to the custodial parent. In order to do this, the lawyer will go back to the judge of the San Diego divorce trial and ask for a restraining order against the non-custodial parent, thus emphasizing the danger that he/ she represents for the child. The lawyer will then make use of his professional connections with the police, detective agencies, and the district attorney's office in order to trace the parent who took off with the child. These are resources that are not readily available for the custodial parent. Once the kidnapper parent has been located, the lawyer will try to establish a channel of communication with him, either by entering into dialogue with the kidnapper, or by putting the two parents into contact with each other. If the child is thus recuperated, the attorney has to secure that the custodial parent and child will be protected from the repetition of the deed. It is only after child custody has been thus settled that the San Diego divorce case can be considered closed.
San Diego divorce cases, just like all divorce cases around the United States, have become more numerous and more stressful for the parties involved. There seems to be a larger degree of alienation between the feelings and wishes of the family going through the separation and the results achieved in court. This happens because of the high degree of specialization of the divorce cases, which makes it impossible for the members of the couple to handle the separation and the associated settlements themselves. Because of this reason, all will be decided during a legal case, where -attorneys will argue for the two positions and an unknown judge will pass the final ruling. Not surprisingly, one of the two parties, if not both, will find the resolution of the case suboptimal, or even traumatic. This feeling of frustration, combined with the general high stress level associated with any divorce, may lead to violent acts, such as the kidnapping of children. In this situation again, it is the -lawyers and judges that will locate the culprit and assign the appropriate punishment. The two spouses turn from lovers into warring factions.
The Three Forms Of Closure
For her traumatic wounds to heal, the victim of abuse requires closure - one final interaction with her tormentor in which he, hopefully, acknowledges his misbehaviour and even tenders an apology. Fat chance. Few abusers - especially if they are narcissistic - are amenable to such weakling pleasantries. More often, the abused are left to wallow in a poisonous stew of misery, self-pity, and self-recrimination.
Depending on the severity, duration, and nature of the abuse, there are three forms of effective closure.
This most common variant involves a frank dissection of the abusive relationship. The parties meet to analyze what went wrong, to allocate blame and guilt, to derive lessons, and to part ways cathartically cleansed. In such an exchange, a compassionate offender (quite the oxymoron, admittedly) offers his prey the chance to rid herself of cumulating resentment.
He also disabuses her of the notion that she, in any way, was guilty or responsible for her maltreatment, that it was all her fault, that she deserved to be punished, and that she could have saved the relationship (malignant optimism). With this burden gone, the victim is ready to resume her life and to seek companionship and love elsewhere.
When the abuse has been "gratuitous" (sadistic), repeated, and protracted, conceptual closure is not enough. Retribution is called for, an element of vengeance, of restorative justice and a restored balance. Recuperation hinges on punishing the delinquent and merciless party. The penal intervention of the Law is often therapeutic to the abused.
Regrettably, the victim's understandable emotions often lead to abusive (and illegal) acts. Many of the tormented stalk their erstwhile abusers and take the law into their own hands. Abuse tends to breed abuse all around, in both prey and predator.
Absent the other two forms of closure, victims of egregious and prolonged mistreatment tend to repress their painful memories. In extremis, they dissociate. The Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) - formerly known as "Multiple Personality Disorder" - is thought to be such a reaction. The harrowing experiences are "sliced off", tucked away, and attributed to "another personality".
Sometimes, the victim "assimilates" his or her tormentor, and even openly and consciously identifies with him. This is the narcissistic defence. In his own anguished mind, the victim becomes omnipotent and, therefore, invulnerable. He or she develops a False Self. The True Self is, thus, shielded from further harm and injury.
According to psychodynamic theories of psychopathology, repressed content rendered unconscious is the cause of all manner of mental health disorders. The victim thus pays a hefty price for avoiding and evading his or her predicament.
Unhealthy Emotions Associated With Being Dumped
Being dumped can be a traumatic experience for anyone. Relationships are complex and difficult at times. While some people who are dumped seem to find a way to move on without much damage, most people who are dumped have serious emotional issues. Some of the negative reactions to the difficult emotions that come out of the break up can seriously affect the way a person functions and the person's ability to function in life. Finding a positive way to deal with these difficult and possibly harmful negative reactions to these feelings can help you deal with being dumped and move on with your life. Just a few of the emotions you may encounter are hatred, embarrassment and sadness.
Hatred is a common feeling to have after being dumped. The common question is, "Why Me?" You may experience hatred toward a person that has dumped you, mutual friends that disassociate with you after the break up, and anyone who may subsequently date your ex after you break up. Dealing with hatred in a positive way is very important because this emotion has a very bad habit of being a festering emotion. If you have hatred inside, you may even be physically affected. Hatred is an awful emotion that can have severe effects. If you are consumed by this negative emotion, it is hard to live your life, move on from a broken relationship, and even go about day to day responsibilities normally.
Another emotion you may experience is embarrassment. A lot of times, embarrassment stems from self-esteem issues, as well as feeling like everyone around is laughing at you. After you have been dumped, the best way to move past feeling embarrassed is to know that you are a worthwhile person and that you are not the only person who has been dumped. Lift your head and know that you have great qualities that someone else will admire later on in a different relationship, and simply work on getting to know yourself and being the person you want to be. Anyone who would laugh at you after such a painful experience is not worth even wasting time to think about.
One more emotion you may experience in the case of being dumped is sadness. This one will only heal after time. There is almost always regret when you are broken up with and the only cure for this emotion is taking time to let yourself heal. Indulge in some self-pity, but not for long. Get pampered, spend a little money on yourself, and try to remember that you are a worthy human being. Sadness will pass and you will be able to move on with your life in a positive manner. If you allow yourself to get wrapped up in sadness, you can get into a funk that is very difficult to get out of. Simply waking up and getting on with your regular routine can help you take one day at a time to your recovery.
No matter what seemingly negative emotions you experience after being dumped, and there are a variety of many of them, the way to move past them is to react to them in the most positive way you can. This is a key to moving on with your life and living a successful and happy life.
How To Break The News Of Divorce To Your Kids
Divorce can be a traumatic experience for your children. No matter how old they are, the divorce will be hard for them to understand and eventually to accept. Some children in fact harbor hopes that their parents will get back together even after several years of living apart.
Many children feel that they are the ones at fault when their parents break up. Although this may seem illogical to adults, children can find associations in the most incongruous of things. As often attested by revelations during therapy, children often feel that they could have done something to prevent the break-up in the family. There are those "what ifs" and "could have beens." If they were good and obedient children, would they have prevented the split? If they did not get into trouble in school, would their parents stay together?
One of the crucial moments that parents should take note of and prepare themselves is the way that they will break the news to their children. Although explaining it properly will not necessarily lessen the pain of knowing that their parents will be splitting up but at least a proper explanation will help prevent misunderstandings especially in what caused the break up in the first place.
Remember that young children are very impressionable. Everything that you do, whether you want them to see or not, can mean something. It is important that you tell them what's going on to avoid misrepresentations.
Below are some tips on how to break the news of the divorce to your kids.
Never make them feel that they have to choose.
Divorce is a traumatic experience as it is without asking the children to choose sides. This will put them right in the middle of marital trouble. This is not fair because the kids are not really part of the problems that you and your partner are having. Pressuring them to judge who is right and wrong can worsen the trauma that they will be experiencing.
Still, during custody battles, choosing sides cannot be avoided. Although in some cases, especially if the children are a bit older, they are asked to choose which parents they would rather live with.
Never badmouth your partner
Remember that whatever happens, your partner is still a part of their lives, someone who they need to respect and love. Whatever troubles that you have in your relationship should not affect the children in any way. As long as your partner is doing his best to provide for the kids and is a good father, there is no need for them to know what a rotten person he can be sometimes.
Although your children will not necessarily understand completely what is going on, there is no need to create fantastical explanations. Just tell them the truth, that you are going to start living apart and they may have to live with each of you separately or live with one parent for the rest of their lives.
Consider their feelings and try to talk to them about it Divorce can be painful for the couple as they are the ones directly involved but you must remember that kids are very vulnerable and they are not as resilient as adults.
It is not enough that you tell them what's going on. You also have to ask them what their feelings are about what happened. This way, you are able to address their fears and insecurities right then and there.
As mentioned before, kids often feel that it is their fault that their parents are breaking up. You have to reassure them that this is not true and they were not in any way at fault.
Tell them that it's ok for them to talk to you about it.
Children will have questions about what happened. They might not be able to verbalize it just yet but they will eventually reveal what bothers them about the situation. Encourage them to come and talk to you if they have additional questions. Tell them that it's ok for them to tell you how they feel and they will be very much welcome to ask you anything they want. Keeping the communications line open will help ease the tension and clear up a lot of potential sources of misunderstandings.
Divorce mediation has become a more affordable and 'harmonious' way to deal with one's divorce. But it's significant to note that not all divorce cases are meant for divorce mediation.
In cases where you have an abusive spouse, the safety that the Court may provide would be recommended. When you are dealing with a spouse who perpetually argues with every word that passes your lips, then it's highly unlikely that you'll be able to confer about concerns of divorce through mediation.
As long as there are issues that need to be addressed due to a lack of cooperation on either side, mediation will not quite cut it. In cases where you are having difficulty finding middle ground with your spouse, it would be a good idea to seek the legal help of a divorce attorney instead.
Divorce mediation requires compromise
Divorce mediation is possible and helpful if both parties are willing to compromise and agree to confer with one mediator rather than seek the legal advice of separate attorneys. This does help both parties save on expensive court fees. Mediation can greatly reduce the total expense of the divorce procedure and you and your mate will generally have more control over the agreement.
The benefits of mediation normally help the agreement along, leading to a successful and enduring settlement. It has also been observed that mediation is not as distressing on the children as a full-blown court case with lawyers and all. This point alone can make mediation instantly appealing to a problematic couple.
What exactly is mediation?
Divorce mediation involves a mediator who assists a couple in coming to an agreement. Unlike what many may believe, a mediator isn't there to make the decisions for you. Nor will he/she tell you and your mate how things ought to be. A divorce mediator will simply sketch out the matters at hand for you and your mate as he/she assists you in your own decision making. This process is normally accomplished through a series of questions as well as concentration on results rather than dwelling on disputes. Even as some arguments may occur, one mustn't be so quickly discouraged. The mere fact that both parties agreed to try mediation means that they are able to cooperate with one another. Normally, the idea of how mediation saves their children from further distress can encourage a couple to come to an amicable agreement.
How long will it take?
The mediation period may be just a number of weeks to even an entire year. It really depends on you and your spouse and the complexity of the matters concerned. If you both are able to reach a harmonious agreement early on, it will be fairly easy to shorten the process of mediation.
In order to help this process along, both parties should be completely aware of his/her rights as well as the possible alternatives which are accessible. The mediator will supply the parties with a Memorandum of Agreement. A Separation Agreement may then be written from the basis of this prior agreement. An attorney may be required in translating the agreements.
Successful Parenting After Separation
Separation is a challenging time for many parents because it is an adjustment to a new way of life. There are both positive and negative factors to separation and the corresponding changes, but one of the issues that can arise is the differences that parents may have in the ways that they parent the children. The key point or focus that parents need to address is that they must put the best interests of the children first, and that their role is to continue to be the best possible parents to their children, even though they no longer live in the same home.
In order to put the interests of the children first parents that are separated need to consider the following issues, and determine how they can accomplish the goal of putting their kids first and provide love, safety and security for their children.
Maintaining the lines of communication is critical to continue successfully parenting the children. Many incorrect assumptions are made that the other parent is aware of scheduling changes, school events, outings or other issues affecting the child. Often parents expect children to be the messengers between them, and this is a very difficult and emotionally harmful role for you child to have to play. Parents should discuss and determine a method that will allow them to continue to communicate about the children and to work together to make decisions in the best interests of the kids. This communication may be done by fax, email, voicemail, phone calls or
face-to-face meetings, depending on the level of comfort or conflict.
No matter how carefully you plan or schedule your life there are always things that come up out of your control. As parents it is important to realize that this can happen for you, your ex-spouse and your children. Try to be as flexible as possible and allow the other parent and the children to have time together whenever possible.
Joint decision making
If you are able to communicate as coparents it is important to keep in mind that joint decision-making is usually in the best interests of the children. For difficult or major decisions it is helpful to get the other parent's input and opinion to prevent further conflict down the line. Most parents want to be a part of their children's lives even if they don't live in the same home as the children, and using a joint decision making process helps them stay connected to the children and helps to provide a sense of security for the children.
Stay positive about the other parent
It is important to allow the children to have the most positive relationship that they possibly can with both of their parents. The more positive, respectful and civil that Mom and Dad can stay with each other the more comfortable, secure and stable the children will view their new lives. Children need to understand that separated parents are still Mom and Dad, and will still continue to be a part of their lives, even thought they live in different homes or even in different communities.
Keep explanations to children as simple as possible, and avoid any negative comments about the other parent. As separated parents stay flexible, communicate openly about the children and allow maximum contact between your children and the other parent.
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