Addiction To Clutter
Clutter is a big problem for many people. At a lecture that I gave, I asked for a show of hands regarding how many people had problems with clutter and disorganization. I was surprised to find that at least half the people raised their hands.
One of my clients told me that she was trying to help her sister get back on her feet after her sister had been laid up with an illness and lost her job. Her sister's house had always been a mess, and had become so filled with clutter that there was no place to walk or sit. My client, Rebecca, offered to buy her sister a car if she would clean up her house. Rebecca even offered to help her sister clean up the house. Rebecca was shocked when her sister refused the offer, even though she desperately needed the car. He sister was unwilling to get rid of the clutter.
Why? Why was the "stuff" so important to her?
Underneath all addictions lies fear - of emptiness, helplessness, loneliness and aloneness. Addictions are a way to feel safe from feeling these difficult and painful feelings, and an addiction to clutter is no exception. It's all about having a sense of control over feeling safe. Clutter, like all addictions, provides a momentary feeling of comfort. However, as with any addiction, the clutterer needs more and more clutter to maintain the illusion of safety and comfort.
When my mother died and my son was cleaning out her house, he discovered huge amounts of clutter. While my mother's house always looked neat and clean, the cupboards and drawers were filled with clutter. My son told me he found 6 broken hair dryers in one cabinet. Why would my mother want to keep six broken hair dryers?
My mother grew up during the depression and always had a fear of not having enough. No matter how much she accumulated materially, she never felt that she had enough. The six hair dryers made her feel safe from her fear, even if they didn't work.
Carrie has trouble throwing things away, especially magazines with "important' information in them. She subscribes to many magazines but, being the mother of three small children, doesn't often have the time to read them. So the magazines pile up and pile up. Carrie hopes at some point to have the time to read them, but that time never seems to come. When asked why she won't throw them out, her answer is, "Because there might be something important in them and I don't want to miss it." Carrie fears missing out on some important piece of information - information that may give her the peace she is seeking. It makes her feel safer and in control to have all the magazines around her with their important information, even if she never gets to read them.
When we don't feel safe on the inner level, then we try to make ourselves feel safe on the outer level, and clutter is one way of doing that. Whether it's things, such as hair dryers, or information, such as in magazines and newspapers, clutterers do not trust that they will have what they need. In addition, clutterers may be resistant people who see messiness and clutter as a way of not being controlled by someone who wants them to be neat.
HEALING THE ADDICTION TO CLUTTER
Clutter is created and maintained by a wounded, frightened part of oneself, the wounded self - the part that operates from the illusion of having control over people, events, and outcomes. As long as this wounded self is in charge of the decisions, the clutterer will continue to accumulate clutter as a way to provide comfort and the illusion of control over feeling safe, or continue to be messy as a way to resist being controlled.
Healing occurs when the individual does the inner work necessary to develop a strong, loving adult self. A loving adult is the aspect of us that opens to and connects with a spiritual source of wisdom, strength, and love. A loving adult is capable of taking loving action in our own behalf. The loving adult operates from truth rather than from the false beliefs of the wounded self, and knows that the comfort and safety that clutter seems to provide is an illusion - that no matter how much clutter accumulates, the clutterer still feels afraid. The loving Adult knows that safety and integrity do not lie in resistance. Only a loving adult who is tuned in to the guidance provided by a spiritual source and capable of taking loving action in one's own behalf can create a sense of inner safety.
Practicing the six steps of Inner Bonding that we teach develops this powerful loving adult.
Organize Files Both Paper And Computer
Tips to organize files in real-space
If you have a system that isn't working, it's probably because it is not the system outlined below. Simplicity of effectiveness is vital for a real-space filing system.
To organize files in real-space it should take no more than 1 minute to add so me thing new to your system and no more than 30 seconds to retrieve something.
Organize Files - Preparation:
Get a large sturdy metal filing cabinet.
Get box files and card files.
Get an electric label maker.
Chuck out hanging file guides.
Organize Files - Implementation:
1. Grab a card file as soon as you have paper work that you want to reference for later use.
2. Create a label with the electric label maker with a word/phrase that very obviously identifies what the
papers are about.
3. Put the labeled file in your filing cabinet in A to Z order.
Maintenance of Organized Files:
On computer start a file listing everything that's in your real-space filing cabinet from A to Z.
Keep your computer file updated by occasionally flicking through your filing cabinet (it will take less than 10
minutes) to check for items that are not on your computer file and adding anything new.
Consider that if you currently have trouble keeping on top of the way you organize files it's probably because the way you have been doing until now is not this simple strategy. The approach outlined above is purposely extremely simple. It really works to do it like this.
With that technique for how to organize files in real-space dealt with, we can now think about your way to organize files on your computer.
Tips to organize files on computer
Experience with clients has taught me that often someone has more clutter on computer than in their home or office.
The computer can be a source of great enjoyment and productivity if you organize files on it well. I realize that it doesn't take up any real space in your
home or office, which is probably why people let it get so bad, but I found that it effects my clients satisfaction and productivity immensely.
Sure there are plenty of manuals on using the computer but I discovered that there was no simple, straightforward explanation of keeping on top of where everything on computer is. So I created an approach that I show my clients and here is the basics of it.
Is it frustrating or even somewhat anxiety provoking sometimes to approach the computer? Such feelings are caused by thinking of the amount of time it will take to find what you want whilst half-thinking that it really shouldn't be so out of hand.
Well we're about to turn things around. Get into the habit of creating folders on your computer for various topics. Put everything relevant to each topic into the appropriate folder.
Create more folders within existing topic folders for sub-topics. E.g. You might create a folder called Health. In that you might have folders for Diet,
Spend time on that process and you will finally feel that you can organize files on your computer very very well indeed.
The Clutter Queen
If you are looking to attract positive change and seriously move stale energy out, start with your neglected clutter. Getting rid of all the things you are not using will create space for new energy and movement.
I'm a firm believer that
* if it doesn't work...
* if you can't remember when you last used it....or...
* if it doesn't make you feel good ...then...
MOVE IT OUT!
Now, I know... sounds easy doesn't it? Then why do we all have so much clutter?
Here are some tips and techniques that have worked for me to move unused items from my life.
You see I've tested them on my own personal clutter and I know they work. First you will need some bankers boxes (you can get these anywhere you purchase office supplies). Bankers boxes work the best because they have lids and are stackable. And a hand-held recorder (you can get one cheaply at any electronics department).
Here's what you do to quickly eliminate your clutter:
(1) Label the boxes anyway you like ...maybe with a letter (A, B, C etc) or with a color, green, red, orange......
(2) Go around and start putting your dear clutter in the boxes while recording the contents with your recorder. (You can do this little by little whenever you have a spare few minutes).
(3) When the boxes are full, stack them neatly in a closet, garage, attic, etc....anywhere where they are out of sight.
(4) When you have a little time, sit down, play back the recorder and transfer the information to a spreadsheet, word document, index cards or whatever system works best for you. (By indexing you can easily find and retrieve anything you might have mistakenly filed away). Simply look the object up in the index to find the appropriate box and go get it! It's that easy!
(5) After a time, if you find you really don't need all the things you have stored, You can donate usable items to your favorite charitable organization. You can have a garage sale and make some cash, or You can make money by starting your own on-line store on eBay And...
You can have fun by giving your clutter a second life!
A good rule of thumb is
"If you have not used it or thought about it in a year then you probably don't need it and you can let it go"
The great thing about this process is that it overcomes the two main obstacles to clearing clutter. First, you may have thrown something away only to realize later that you really needed it. So now you are reluctant to throw anything away. Secondly, you believe that it can take quite a chunk of time to do a really good job of sorting and eliminating your unwanted stuff. In the past, you may have started to get organized only to abandon the effort for want of time and organization and ended up with a bigger mess on your hands.
The Clutter Queen's five step process eliminates these obstacles because the sorting can be done extremely quickly without the possibility of discarding valuables.
Doing these small things is your first step in creating space for new, exciting ideas and energy.
Get ready for an abundance of fresh ideas and energy to enhance your living!
You Need Your Own Reasons For Organizing Your Home
First off, you need to know organizing your home is different for you than it is for someone else.
Some folks don't have a lot of clutter and junk but need to know how to maintain organization and have a place for their stuff.
On the other hand, some homeowners have piles upon piles...a big mess, and still think it's just a matter of needing storage.
When, in fact, storage is the last thing you need. The first step is getting rid of clutter, rather than adding more storage just to keep more stuff.
The thing is, once you start organizing your home, you'll see how great and real the benefits are:
-It's reducing stress by having order and discipline.
-It's having more space by keeping clutter out for good.
-It's simplifying the way you live at home by creating useful systems that work for you personally.
-It's a way of being on time, and not feeling the strain of running against the clock.
Quite simply, when you finally start to make the simple changes of organization, it all adds up to give you more room to breath so you can enjoy your family and friends more.
Being organized isn't a matter of being rich or poor, young or old. We were never taught organization in school and, in fact, were taught to multi-task and go in too many directions at once.
This was how they told us to live.
Personally, I have always gone against the grain and never worried about keeping things we don't need. My wife Megan and I make sure if something is not being put to use or it's out-of-date... it's getting sold or thrown out.
We also utilize smart, affordable storage to keep only useful items and starting teaching our kids the value of being organized at a very young age. It makes it easier on them and on us to stay disciplined about organization.
The funny thing is I don't think I was raised to be organized. Nobody knew much about "organization" back then, although I was always a little "neat" as a kid.
But somewhere along the way I figured out it made the most sense. I like to be on time and being organized makes that possible. I don't like wasting time looking for things, like tools or ingredients for cooking or paperwork or bills.
Being organized makes it all a lot easier.
It's not going to make you ri*ch, but it will certainly save you money by avoiding duplicate purchases and late bills.
It's not going to make you any younger, but it will certainly give you more time to do things you might think you don't have time to do.
Being organized isn't going to give you a bigger house, but it will clear clutter and open up some space so you'll feel like you have a bigger house because there will be less congestion and "stuff" all over the place.
There may seem like there is a lot to getting organized and over the next few days I'm going to share with you even more tips and tricks to getting and staying organized.
The Organized Tool Box
Are you always digging around for the right tool? Hammers abound, but why are the flat-edge screwdrivers always missing? Wouldn't it be great to have everything in an easy-to-find space? Here are some steps and tips to get you on your way.
Step 1: Inventory.
First, start by gathering all your tools. Make a list of the locations where you found your tools. Garage, kitchen, basement, car, truck? Lay them all out on a bedsheet or blanket. Sort them by type to get an idea of how many different kinds of tools you have.
Next, examine each tool and decide what to keep.
Organizing Family Discoveries
It's great when the family gets together, but you know that it'll be much greater if all family members can get to know each other and share the family history. Much interest had been given to genealogic researches in the past years, but still, the most common form of genealogic research remains to be the family tree and its branching out. A family tree is a cinch to make if you intend to include only members of your immediate family (parents, sibling, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins) but what if you aim to include the three generations before you? Or what if you intend to find out who your ancestors are? This entails a much larger scope and therefore a more thorough research. This also means more extensive notes, files, pictures, interview transcripts, and other documents. To save you from disorganization and make your research easier, Carolyn Billingsley and Desmond Allen have devised an efficient filing system specifically for genealogic research.
The materials they prescribed are easy enough to procure such as a filing cabinet (boxes will do), data records, pens with black ink, file folders, notebook (loose leaf), and notebook dividers. They recommend that you start by making nuclear family records. Printed forms are available to make it easier. Record information by family. Separate your own family record from that of your parents. Use marriages as guide, as each marriage requires a separate data sheet. Fill out forms backward, starting from the present and to the past. Make all information on each family uniform, leave spaces for unknown data and fill them out later when you got the missing links. It is also important to indicate sources of the information. Include birth certificates, death certificates, and marriage certificates with the members' personal information but remember to use only photocopied records. Label sheets with family surnames and put them in file folders duly labeled. Collect and store these nuclear family sheets to larger family groups. To do these use bigger filing folders. Label these folders by the family patriarch's name, for example, your grandfather's name. Include in this folder all files of your uncles, aunts, parent, married siblings, married cousins, etc. An optional step is to add a contents page to give you a clue about what is inside the folders. These will make it easier for you to fill out your family tree and its branches. An organized research will save you the trouble of diving into heaps of paper searching for documents that you think are there but have no idea where to find.
How To Be Successful At Interviews
No matter how expert or experienced you are, when you are applying for a promotion in your own organisation, or a post in another organisation, being fully prepared for the interview is critical. Your expertise, knowledge, reputation, experience, and appearance, will help you, but it is highly likely that the other candidates will have similar attributes.
Here is list of actions that you should carry out in order to be fully prepared. Gather information about the recruiting organisation (this includes your present employer if it is an internal interview): before you decide whether to attend the interview, it is essential that you gather information about the organisation and analyse this. You need information on its recent and forecast performance, the condition of the business sector in which it operates, and the post that it is offering. If the organisation and sector are healthy, and the post looks secure and has potential, then you can move on to the next stage. If your findings are negative then it is almost certain that the best decision would be to reject the opportunity. You need to gather information about the condition of yourself, looking at how your personal and career plans are progressing, focusing on how the prospects in your current job match with your personal and career objectives, and then how the new post could help you to achieve those objectives.
Decide to attend or not to attend the interview. You need to make an objective decision as to whether taking up this new post is the right decision for you, at this time. Armed with the information that you gathered earlier, you can assess the merits of being appointed to the new post, against staying in your current post, albeit perhaps until a more appropriate opportunity arises, and make your decision confidently. It is, of course, tempting to apply for a job which appears to offer a higher salary, more responsibility, more status, and new directions, and if this is so appealing that you are confident that you can adjust your development plans to match it, and be happy with that decision, then yes, attend the interview and perform to the best of your ability. However, be warned that the interviewers may well reject you because it will become obvious to them that the position they are offering is not a natural fit with your career to date, and worse, they may well ask you how this new opportunity fits with your future personal development plans, and be disappointed with your unconvincing response.
Gather details of the job itself. You need as much information as you can gather about the nature of the job, the role, responsibilities, reporting relationships, location of the workplace, working conditions, and conditions of employment such as working hours, holidays, and corporate policies and procedures that apply to the position. Some of this information will be given to you in the information pack sent to you by the interviewing organisation, or department, but often, sadly, the quality of information sent out is poor. Most professional organisations will have HR departments that will answer your questions on these issues, or pass you on to the appropriate line manager.
Research the interview format: you need to do some basic but essential research on the practicalities of the interview. Again, some of this information will be sent to you. You should be clear about: how to get to the organisation and the specific interview location (don't rely on asking for this information when you arrive, as this adds to the stress of the occasion); who is on the interview panel (their titles will give you important clues as to their relationships to the post); what format the interview will take (there is nothing worse than arriving expecting a traditional face-to-face interview and finding that it is a day-long series of tests, group activities, and interviews).
Timing of arrival. Make sure that you arrive in good time, allowing time to tidy your physical appearance after your journey, and sufficient time to become calm before the actual interview.
Your appearance. Do not make the mistake of thinking that it is only your history, qualifications, skills, and knowledge that will win you the job. Most other candidates will have similar attributes, so you need to make an impression, to look professional, smart, and appropriate for the post. In many cases, there will have been a previous holder of the post that the interviewers may be using, albeit subconsciously, as a benchmark. You can't guess what the interviewers want, or don't want, in terms of physical appearance and personality, but don't for one second believe anyone that tells you this doesn't matter (it shouldn't, perhaps, in certain circumstances, but you are being invited into their world, and they will be looking for someone who they will be comfortable with (even if the role requires you to be an aggressive change-agent). Yes, in some countries there is legislation that says the job should be offered to the most appropriate person, regardless of appearance, but in real life this isn't what happens. The answer to this dilemma is to research the culture of the organisation that you are joining, so that you are aware of how people, in positions similar to the one you are being interviewed for, dress and behave, and you can comment on or ask questions about this during the interview. However, don't go to the interview in jeans and t-shirt, even if that's the day to day standard. You need to look as professional, as serious about obtaining the job, as possible. For men, that almost certainly means a business suit, or jacket and trousers, with or without tie. For women, a business suit or business outfit. For both sexes, smart-casual can be acceptable, if, but only if, it is that type of environment. In most situations, for most posts on offer to professionals, specialists, managers, experts, consultants, a business outfit is expected at the interview, even if, after appointment, they would never again expect you to come to work in anything remotely as formal.
Your approach. In a word, think positively. You are offering your talents, your experience, your time, effort, and energies, to this organisation, and you need to give the impression that you would be a valuable asset that they would be foolish to reject. This doesn't mean being aggressive, over enthusiastic, pompous, or pretentious, but it does mean showing the interviewers that you are a confident, assertive, pro-active, flexible, professional who would perform successfully if appointed.
Prepare for, and practice answering, the interview questions: think about questions that you are likely to be asked. Brainstorm this with a colleague, friend, or partner, and practice answering. Practice using the interview questions to strengthen your argument that you are the best person for the job. For example, you will be almost certainly be asked about your experience and qualifications, even though this will be shown in your CV. Your response should be phrased in such a way that you relate your experience, knowledge, and qualifications, to the role and responsibilities of the new post, showing how these existing attributes will give you the confidence and skills to successfully handle the tasks that lie ahead. With luck you will not be asked questions such as - What do you think are the main benefits that you could bring to this job, if appointed? However, it still happens, so you must be prepared for them. Again, practice responding in a way which links your experience and existing skills to the demands of the new role. If you are asked - What would you say are your biggest strengths and worst weaknesses? then talk mostly about your strengths, giving examples of how these have been effectively used, and be very, very careful talking about your alleged weaknesses. Choose a relatively harmless weakness that could be interpreted as a strength, such as being over-zealous about quality criteria being met, or insisting on deadlines being met which can upset some team members. Don't, under any circumstances, negatively criticise your present or past employers, or colleagues. Even if the organisation that you work for is known to have faults or bad practices, don't criticise it or any personnel within it. This is almost always a fatal mistake. You will almost always be asked some questions about the interviewing organisation. Again, use these as an opportunity to show you have researched the organisation, but also to explore what the organisation is planning (at least in the area that you will be working in), and-or what they are expecting of you. For example, you could mention new markets that the organisation has recently entered and ask if that will impact on the post that you are being interviewed for. If you are asked about hobbies and interests, don't give a list of twenty, keep it simple and don't try to impress with esoteric hobbies that you don't actually have. Imagine saying that you enjoy watching French films and then being asked a question about this, in French, by one of the interviewers who is fluent in the language!
Questions asked by you. Most interviews will close with the interviewee being asked if they have any questions to ask. The answer should always be - Yes. Have two questions ready, and either ask these or ask one of them and one that has arisen because something raised in the interview. Make sure that your questions are ones that reinforce your suitability for the post. You could, for example, ask questions about personal development opportunities, explaining, briefly, what you feel would be a potentially useful development activity (of benefit to you and to the organisation) if you were to be offered the post (this should be an area that you have considered whilst researching the organisation and the job itself).
General behaviour: remember, you are being assessed at all times, possibly from when you enter the building and approach the receptionist, certainly from the moment you walk into the interview room to the moment you leave. You must be as natural and relaxed, physically and mentally, as possible, but also professional, polite, and courteous. Never argue, unless you have been given a direct instruction to give your opposing views. Be alert, show an interest in each interviewer as the ask questions, and answer directly to that person, but occasionally look at the others during your answer. In answering questions, don't be evasive, be confident, and use your answers to demonstrate how you would make a good match for the position on offer.
Final word. As the interview ends, thank the interviewers for their time and questions. Say that you would be very pleased if appointed to the job and that you look forward to hearing from them. Even if you have doubts at that moment, this is a courteous and wise way to end the interview. You may later decide that you would like the job and if you have appeared negative as the interview ended you will have reduced your chances considerably.
In summary, the key to being successful at an interview is to treat it as a project that needs to be planned and executed in as professional a manner as possible. Changing jobs, moving into a new position, changing organisations, changing the direction of your career, perhaps moving into a different business sector, leaving behind friends and colleagues, meeting, working with, managing, new colleagues, is a major change in your life. The interview is your doorway into a new world, into the next stage of your personal development. It is a major event, a major opportunity, and must be treated as one.
Get Organized Secrets
1. Tell yourself that no matter what, some level of clutter with a child is going to happen.
2. Begin with messes and clutter that you see every day. Get organize your kitchen, garage, and family room before your hallway closet.
3. Use drawer dividers for socks, underwear, lingerie, and tiny items, to keep them separated and organized.
4. Use this same principle to organize your silverware, with clearly defined places for every fork and knife, or drawers for ties and socks or, underwear. Think in this same way for every aspect of your home. This will save many hours of searching for things. It will dramatically cut down on the clutter of items left out "for now" or "until I find a place for it." Develop a new mantra: everything has its place and a place for everything!
5. Allocate everything in your house a place. This way your family will know exactly where to find it and where to put it away, when they searches for something they need.
6. Keep items that are used frequently in places where you can reach them without stooping or bending, and store them close to the place they will be needed.
7. Establish one defined place in your house for storing library books, and end a house-wide hunt when it is time to read or return them.
8. Hang hooks for your keys and purse at the entry to your home, so each time you walk in, you can hang them up.
9. Get rid of all junk drawers, or allow yourself just one that you clear out once a week or more. When you establish certain items are being used repeatedly, designate a drawer for those.
10. Enlist a new rule: throw out one old thing for every new purchase that enters your home.
11. Make a mental note to observe what things pile up in your house and where they cluster, and then come up with a place nearby that becomes the official home where those things will reside. For this purpose baskets, shelves, and folders will work well. Set aside one basket for you and your partner for incoming mail, bills, and receipts and letters.
12. Never go up or down empty-handed when using stairs. Always grab some items that belong to upstairs rooms and quickly put it away while you are there.
13. Create a number of brightly marked folders for discount coupons, invitations and directions, and other time-sensitive papers that just clutter your counters.
14. Things you don't need any longer:
Organizing For The Holidays
Take some of the stress out of the holidays by getting organized now. The key to holiday organizing is to start early, take baby steps, and make lists (i.e. gifts, budget, meals, cards, etc.). Now is also the time to go through clothes, toys, and other household items to make room for the presents soon to come.
Greeting cards can almost cause as much stress as shopping. Plan to complete your cards over a week or two. Gather all your letter-writing materials before you start, and keep them in one place until you finish. If you like to send a general update along with a personalized note, write that first. Then add a personal touch to a couple cards a day, and you will be finished in no time.
Before you ever step foot in a store, have everyone make gift lists (including stores). This way you can give to others what they want instead of something that will become clutter to them. Plus, you have one less decision to make. Make shopping easier by setting a deadline so you can enjoy the holiday season. The earlier you start and finish your shopping, the shorter the lines and better the selection. When you can, shop odd hours for a less hectic experience; avoid malls and post offices on the weekends if possible. Shop online when applicable. If you do not know what to get someone for a holiday present, think consumable; a consumable gift will probably not go to waste or add to the clutter. You can even have everyone contribute to a group meal or activity, or you can set up a Secret Santa exchange. When it comes time for wrapping, create a separate space with all necessary supplies so you can wrap easily and quickly, if necessary. For extra-large gifts, use a paper, holiday tablecloth for wrapping paper.
Do not overwhelm yourself by cleaning the house from top to bottom; concentrate on the public areas. Guests will appreciate your hard work and still be able to enjoy your company. If you tend to decorate similarly from year to year, take a picture of your decorations to speed the process next year. Prepare for unexpected guests; keep an inventory of quick food items such as cheese and crackers, tea and coffee, frozen cookies, etc. For your planned gatherings, allow enough time for cleaning, cooking, and decorating by counting back from the time of your party. Keep meals simple or ask guests to bring a dish to reduce your preparation time and stress. Delegate or ask for help with some of these activities; it will take a little of the stress off you and may even turn several of the chores in to fun.
Once all the festivities have passed, the idea of cleaning up and taking down the decorations may invite some of that stress back into your life. Stop it in its tracks - have an informal "undecorating" party. Most chores take less time and are more fun when you have friendly company and a couple extra hands. When it comes to Christmas decorations and supplies, use appropriately sized storage containers that are sturdy and label, label, label! A couple extra minutes at the end of this season could save hours when it is time to decorate next year. This is also a good time to update your card list while everything is fresh in your memory. If it turns out you forgot someone this year, you can always send a New Year's card.
Just remember, the holidays are about friends, family, and fun. Take the stress out of holiday preparations and enjoy the good times by preparing early, asking for help, and keeping it simple.
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