A Simple Formula For Overcoming Fear And Worry
If you ask most people why they have not achieved their goals or the level of success they desire, they will usually respond with some built-in excuse (negative belief) that is holding them back. Underlying this excuse or negative belief is usually a fear or worry. How many times have you attempted something new, only to stop before you ever got started because you were afraid of what others may think? Or you don't think you have the time or money or both? Or because you believe are inexperienced or lack the knowledge to succeed?
Someone once defined F.E.A.R. as False Evidence Appearing Real, which means we have chosen to believe in something that is not really true. But because it is our belief, it is our reality. Worry is nothing more than a sustained fear caused by indecision. Sometimes we need to ask some tough questions to determine the cause of these worries or fears. Once the fear is identified, a simple formula can be used to overcome that fear.
The first step is to clearly define what you are afraid of or worried about. Write in down. Put in on paper. Half of your worries and fears will be solved the instant you can define them clearly by putting them on paper. What once seemed big in your mind will look small and insignificant on paper.
For the other half, you need to move on to step two. Ask yourself, what is the worst possible thing that can happen if this fear or worry becomes true? Make a list, yes, write it down on paper underneath your clearly defined worry. Keep writing down everything that comes to mind until you have identified the worst possible outcome. Do you realize that 90% of what we worry about never happens? Think about how much time you spend on worrying about stuff that never will happen. This list will help you see that.
Once you have completed your list, resolve in your mind that you will accept the worst possible thing that can happen. Since 90% of those things will never occur and generally the other 10% will not kill you, realize you will survive. Accept the worst possible thing by telling yourself, I can handle it, over and over again. This will start to turn things around.
Finally, begin now to make sure the worst never happens. Put together an action plan of exactly what you need to do to turn things around. By focusing on positive changes and implementing your action plan, your focus will shift to the positive outcomes and away from your fears. You will begin to feel better because now you can DO SOMETHING! Positive action is the only cure for fear and worry. Try this formula today and see if it will work for you. It has worked for me.
How To Scatter Cremated Remains Ashes
You may envision going out to a beautiful spot and scattering your loved ones remains. While this can be a beautiful, ceremonial and a very healing way of returning a loved one to nature, it can also be a disaster. The following guidelines, will make the experience a positive one and make the final wish of your loved one, "I just want my ashes to be scattered" to come true.
To begin, often the word "ashes" is used to describe cremated remains. The media portrays it as light ash. The reality is the remains are bone fragments that have been mechanically reduced. They normally don't gently flow into the air. It is more like heavy sand That being said there is some dust or ash that can blow in the wind, so when scattering cremated remains make sure to check the wind so they don't blow back in people's faces or onto a boat.
You will also want to consider the legal requirements to scatter remains. In no state is it legal to scatter remains on private property without permission from the property owner. Many parks also have rules and permit requirements so you will want to check into the requirements.
If you do plan on scattering the remains, many people are choosing to keep some of the remains in a keepsake container or mini urn. Some people feel they still want a part of the person and sharing the cremated remains is a way to still have a part of the person with you. Keep in mind, you will want to make sure the partial remains are in a sealed plastic bag inside the keepsake or mini urn. A funeral director can handle this for you. Many products are also available such as diamonds that are made out of the remains, jewelry that is designed to hold the remains or hand blown glass paper weights.
Techniques for Scattering
Casting is a way of scattering where the remains are tossed into the wind. As I mentioned previously, you will want to check the direction of the wind and cast the remains downwind. Most of the remains will fall to the ground and some of the lighter particles will blow in the wind forming a whitish-grey cloud.
One person in the group may cast the remains or scatter some and hand the container to the next person so everyone has a chance to ceremonially cast the remains. Another option is people are given paper cups or casting cups and they cast simultaneously in a sort of toasting gesture.
Trenching is digging a hole or trench in the ground or sand and the remains are placed into the trench. The remains can be placed directly into the trench or placed in a biodegradable bag or urn. At the end of the ceremony survivors often rake over the trench. A deceased name can be drawn in the dirt or sand- perhaps inside of a heart. The remains could also be placed inside this name and heart. You may consider taking a photo of this for a memory book. If done at the beach, it can be timed that the tide comes in and ceremoniously washes it out to sea. Family and friends may want to join hands and form a circle. If not too windy, candles may also form a circle around the site. The candles are then given to each person as a keepsake.
Raking involves pouring the cremated remains from an urn evenly on loose soil and then raking them into the ground at the conclusion of the ceremony. It is important to keep the urn close to the ground when pouring out the remains due to wind. Survivors may wish to take turns raking the remains back into the earth. If you choose to do this at a scattering garden at a cemetery this is how they will perform the scattering.
This is done either at a "Green Cemetery" or at a traditional cemetery. Often cemeteries will allow you to place a biodegradable bag or biodegradable urn on top of a gravesite or a family member as long as it is buried. Obviously, you will want to check with the cemetery and see what their requirements are.
Water scattering involves placing the remains into a body of water. A biodegradable bag or urn is recommended. This is most often when cremated remains can blow back into a person's face or get washed up onto the side of the boat. Both experiences can be traumatic and not the everlasting peaceful memory you envisioned. If you search on the internet or in the phone book you can find people that have boats and are experienced. There are urns on the market designed to gently float away and then quickly biodegrade into the water. Many people throw rose petals or flowers into the water after the urn. If the remains are in a biodegradable bag they may sink so you also may wish to throw a wreath of flowers into the water and watch the wreath drift away.
Air scattering is best performed by professional pilots and air services. The airplanes are specially designed to handle the cremated remains. Some professionals will arrange for family and friends to be on the ground watching as the plane flies over and a plume of remains can be seen from the ground. If survivors are not present, the service will provide the specific time and date of the aerial scattering. Often it can be arranged that close family and friends fly along.
While scattering cremated remains can be emotionally very difficult, hopefully by knowing your options and being informed it will make a difficult time a little easier.
When You Cannot Attend A Memorial Service Writing A Condolence Letter Can Help
Condolence letters are considered some of the most difficult letters to write and send because of their very sensitive nature. Even so, when someone close to you is dealing with the loss of a loved one, the grief and bereavement, writing and sending a condolence letter is probably one of the most considerate, kind, and thoughtful things you can do.
A condolence letter, if written properly, can show that you care about your friend and what they're going through and that you are sympathetic to their loss. Although there are many different ways to remember a loved one, such as a funeral, memorial service, online memorials, and online obituaries, writing and sending condolence letters can also be your way of not only expressing sympathy but also in remembering a loved one and sharing those memories with your grieving friend or relative.
The problem is that many people have a hard time finding the right words to express themselves in writing during such a sensitive time. Before you put pen to paper or start thinking of what on you are possibly going to write, keep in mind that your letter, in addition to being carefully and well-written, should aim to achieve three main purposes. The first is to express sympathy and comfort to your friend or relative experiencing the loss of a loved one. The second is to honor and pay tribute to the deceased and the third is to let the bereaved person know that you are available should they need help. If you are able to keep these three things in mind, and put them on paper, your condolence letter will in fact be honest and heartfelt.
Try to be personal and heartfelt in your condolence letter, without being too sentimental and gushing. You can start by acknowledging what happened
Funeral Eulogies Meaningful Words For Funeral Services
Losing a family member or close friend can be devastating and can have a lasting effect on all who knew the person who has passed. Dealing with the loss of a loved one can be difficult and may require talking about your feelings, expressing your condolences to a family member or writing about your grief in a diary or blog. Funeral or memorial services are also a means to share in the pain and express love for the deceased in order to heal.
One reason for the elaborate ceremonies around death is to help with that loss. Funeral rituals are designed to help ease the transition. In many cultures and religious traditions, part of these rituals is the delivery of a eulogy - a short memorial message celebrating the person's accomplishments and important moments.
If you have been asked to deliver a eulogy, appreciate the honor you have been given. You may feel that you are too sad or that you don't have the skills to write and deliver an appropriately moving tribute at a funeral or memorial service. If giving the eulogy is overwhelming to you, remember that while it may seem daunting, there are tips that can help you manage your anxiety and help you provide a service to both the living in their moment of loss and to the one you have lost.
If you are asked to deliver a eulogy for someone you know, take a moment to sort out your feelings about the deceased and gather your thoughts. A eulogy is designed to memorialize and celebrate the good things in the person's life. Pulling together a selection of memories and comments about those things can be a remarkable way to begin to deal with your own grief. Also, ask other family members and friends to share their memories, anecdotes and stories of how that person touched their lives. Hearing and sharing these memories can help you create a more complete picture of the person for those who are hearing you.
Once you've gathered your information, decide how you will organize it. Eulogies can take a chronological approach, where the eulogist traces the person's life in the order in which it happened. They can also be given as a story of a variety of portraits of important moments - snapshots of tender times, gently humorous anecdotes, and the like. If more than one person is delivering a eulogy, coordinate with them so both approaches are used.
If you find it hard to think of moving things to say, you may want to look at various sources for inspiration or short quotes to include in your speech. From the Bible or other religious texts to anthologies and websites of eulogy poetry and inspirational quotes, you may find the words you seek. Be careful, however, your own words are more important than anything you can find elsewhere. Keep the tone of the eulogy personal and use simple language so that the listeners can connect more directly to your words and the memories it conveys of the deceased. Typically, a eulogy runs around five to ten minutes in length.
Giving a eulogy is an honor. It is a chance to help others begin the transition to a life after the person's passing. The eulogist has a chance to ease the pain of others by providing them with a picture of the best things about that person, something they can hold on to in the difficult days to follow. To be asked to deliver a memorial tribute is to be given the responsibility of assisting many. A little time and preparation in the writing stage can make a huge difference in the impact of your delivery and can help you and your friends and family in their time of need.
Katrina What Its Like To Be An Evacuee
With less than twenty four hours to go before hurricane Katrina hit land my wife and I started to pack up the car to leave St Bernard Parish Louisiana. We had to have the brakes repaired only an hour before we left. We had to depend on the kindness of a neighbor who was frantically working on the car as we loaded it with those things the officials said we should take with us.
We loaded a few changes of clothing our important papers and our dog, Patches. We went to pick up an older gentlemen whose daughter could not pick him up because she lived north of Lake Ponchartrain which was already nearly impassible. He was a member of our church and we faithfully picked him up for every service because he could hardly walk on his own. Looking back now we know he would not be alive if we had not gone to get him out of his house.
We drove through the night. At first we could not go over fifteen miles an hour across the twin spans, an eight mile long bridge across the lake a bridge that today is largely destroyed. The winds came just behind us only hours later and washed the spans that weigh thousands of tons into the water like toothpicks in a bathtub. In time we got up to about fifty but not once did we ever reach the speed limit. We arrived at a friends house near Birmingham Alabama where we stayed for two days. We contacted the old gents family and arranged for his family to come and pick him up. The power went out several times throughout the second night as the winds gusted and threatened Old Birmingham.
On the third day only hours after Katrina had moved above Jackson Mississippi did we began the 450 mile trek to my wife's sisters house in West Baton Rouge Parish. We listened to the radio reports with some measure of hope that all was not that bad. Our hearts began to sink as hour by hour reports came in about broken levees and rising waters.
Over the next two weeks we followed all the news reports and searched for friends and pictures from our neighborhood on the internet. During the first week it was totally impossible to get a call through to anywhere from Alabama to East Texas. It was a long dark moment of knowing nothing at all about anyone or anything we ever knew.
The news began to trickle in slowly but none of it was good. We saw pictures of our neighborhood with water up to the roofs. We slowly got reports from people we knew who were scattered all across the country in places they had gone to take refuge. Some of them said they would never return.
Next came reports and pictures of toxic laden mud through out our Parish and talk of houses that needed to be bulldozed into the ground that was said to be uninhabitable. Rescues of people, animals and the retrieving of bodies went on with all the pictures being shown daily on Baton Rouge TV stations. If things weren't glum enough then we began the business of trying to call FEMA and Red Cross.
My wife must have dialed FEMA over 500 times before getting through. Then we were promised a packet in the mail after they took our information. We have still not reached the Red Cross and they are still talking about gathering 40,000 volunteers to help answer the phones. The insurance company that covered our house informed us that their coverage would cover our house only and no more but they are not sure they can do anything without seeing the house. But no one is seeing our house not even us. The St. Bernard Parish President Junior Rodrigues held a news conference in the capitol building here last night and spoke of months before residents could return, not weeks. Only hours before this bad news came in we went to get shots to protect us from a host of diseases that we could get if and when we do return.
Our bank accounts were not accessible and money doesn't grow on trees even in this fertile Mississippi valley so I thought I'd make an appeal on my own little one page website. Now we feel as if we are caught between the warnings people are hearing about fraudulent sites collecting for Red Cross and other organizations and indifference. No one as yet has responded to the appeal but then only 35 or 40 people a day click on my site.
My wife volunteered her help in feeding some 200 people in a shelter here. She helped prepare the food and serve it. The food was provided by a small Baptist church in Erwinville Louisiana. Later we visited the people in the shelter and are continuing to do so when we are not knocking our heads on the wall in the biggest communications nightmare in the history of the telephone. We asked one family if there was something we could get for them in the shelter, they asked for a bible. We purchased it the next day and delivered it to them in person. That warmed us greatly, not the giving of the bible but the request for it. Unlike stories out of the Superdome this was a wonderful family of black Americans that had a different set of values. And thousands like them are suffering and waiting to begin their lives again, just as we are.
We have had several invitations to go and live with family and friends in other towns and in other states but we are staying close to New Orleans to attempt a look see and to retrieve what we can. So far all we are hearing is "stay away" and of course the endless buzzing of the busy signal from the aid organizations.
We are a praying couple, and when we talk to Jesus we are sure he is saying, I love you and I will take care of it all. We believe Him and we are very grateful that his line was not busy.
Using Condolence Poems In Eulogies Or Condolence Letters
Death is not an easy subject for anyone to discuss or cope with. Often your emotions are so stirred up that it can be very difficult to come up with words of condolence for those that need them. Sometime you find yourself not saying anything at all and that can be even worse than saying the wrong thing. Poems can be the perfect way to get across what you want to say. Memorial service poems can actually put everyone more at ease during a funeral or memorial service.
Grieving family and friends want others to remember their loved one's life and acknowledge them. Seeing a life celebrated and hearing words of sympathy and celebration from others often helps them move through their own grief journey. The right memorial service poetry can really set the mood for the whole ceremony. Written words can be much more effective than spoken condolences at reaching a grieving person's heart. Simple and soothing words acknowledging a loss, accompanied by a meaningful sympathy or condolence poem can touch a heart like nothing else can.
Having a memorial poem or poetry to look back upon can really be an emotional strengthener. A poem can be about the life of the one who has passed or just kind words. The memorial poem could be about an event in the loved one's life or just loving words of a close friend. Often these mementos are kept for many years, framed for the family or left at the gravesite as a reminder of the deceased.
There are numerous memorial service, condolence and sympathy poems written and easily available. Poems ranging from heartfelt and sad to lighthearted and even funny have been written by amateur and professional poetry writers to put words to the feelings that are expressed after someone has died. If you are asked to speak at a memorial or funeral service and are having a difficult time writing down how this loss has made you or the family feel, consider including a poem in your tribute.
To add a poem to your eulogy or condolence letter, first you must consider who the person was and what they would have appreciated or enjoyed read. If the person who passed enjoyed the outdoors, maybe a memorial poem with colorful forest or nature-like imagery would speak to the audience, and properly pay tribute to the lost loved one. If the deceased was a practical joker or light-hearted individual, maybe a poem that incorporates a bit of humor would remind their family of what a happy spirit that individual was.
Look at your local bookstore for poetry books that have memorial or condolence poems included or search online for posted poetry. Poems can range in topics and styles - flowery or overly-dramatic poetry is not the only option available. Many families and friends choose to write their own poems or essays about the deceased to have read at memorial services or posted on online memorial sites. This is a great way for those that are able to express their feelings on paper to do so and share those words to help heal the grief experienced by other family members as well.
Using poetry to help with grief, to express love or pain and to memorialize a friend or family member is very powerful and will be appreciated by others who have experienced a loss.
Ten Ideas For Creating A Memorial After The Funeral Or Life Celebration
Below you will find many memorial and remembrance ideas that you can use to keep the memory of your loved one alive. After the funeral, memorial service or life celebration many people wish to have something permanent as a reminder of the person that they loved and lost. It may help to think about what was important to the person you lost. What did they value? What made them smile? Perhaps by beginning there, the appropriate memorial will present itself. Here are 10 ideas that may help to guide you.
- You can plant a tree in their memory. You can find tree seedlings on the internet. You could also buy a tree at a local nursery.
-Have your love one's photo placed on a stamp. This also would be ideal for the thank you notes you will be sending for the flowers, donations and the help you will be receiving. Get more information here http://photo.stamps.com/PhotoStamps/learn-more/. On the anniversary of their death or on their birthday, consider sending a card or a memorial gift to close friends and relatives.
- Donate a memorial bench, if they loved golf, their favorite golf course may welcome the donation of a memorial bench. You may also consider purchasing a plaque or a brick in their name to help fund a community project.
- Have a star in the sky named after your loved one.
- Plant a section in the garden each year with their favorite flowers, you also may want to add a stepping stone or rock with their name on it in their special section of the garden. Consider each year sharing flowers from that section of the garden with the family and friends of your loved one.
- Start a college scholarship in their name.
- Create a video or DVD from photos and video or movie clips. This video can be played at family gatherings and on the person's birthday or anniversary of their death. You can also easily make copies to share with close friends and relatives.
- Create a book of memories for the deceased's family. Have friends and family write on note cards and include the note cards with photos in the book. You may also want to include newspaper articles about the deceased, the obituary etc.
- Create a memorial on the web - there are several websites that allow loved ones to memorialize the deceased through video, pictures, and voice recordings.
- Keep a journal of your memories, your thoughts and what you learned from your loved one.
Dealing with a loss of a loved one is so difficult. It's important to do what brings you peace-of-mind. Focusing on a memorial may help you through the grief process and allow you to focus on the unique and positive aspects of your loved ones life and how that life can be remembered and celebrated for years to come.
Bereavement Poetry Meaningful Words For Memorial Services
The loss of a loved one is the hardest thing that you will ever have to go through in your life, and you might find that at many times you feel hopeless. There are lights at the end of every darkness in life and the death of a loved one is no exception. There are many ways to deal with the death of a loved one, and there are many things that you can do to help yourself or to help someone else who is dealing with death. The use of bereavement poems can greatly help someone, or yourself, cope with the loss that is facing them.
A bereavement poem is a poem that you can use in a eulogy, a remembrance service or on a memorial site as a way to deal with the death of a loved one through imagery and words. When you are having a service, when you need something to get you through it, or when you are looking at words to have posted somewhere in memory of your loved one, a funeral or memorial poem is something that you might want to think about.
There have been many in memory of poems that have been written in the past for many situations. There are funeral poems for the loss of parents and grandparents, or children, or friends or other family members. Each memory poem has the potential to speak to your heart and to the hearts of the people who have lost loved ones. A memorial poem is designed to help with the coping process.
When you are thinking about poems for funerals, there are a couple things that you want to remember. Poems for memorial services should somehow have reference to the person that you have lost - their life, their loves, their faith or something that they loved. You want to be sure that the poem you have chosen is one that is going to speak to you and speak to the other grieving family members.
A well-chosen funeral poem can be something that you hang on to for a long time. You may want to consider printing copies of the memorial service poem to keep and to give to others who want to keep it. By having this poem with you and keeping it along with photos of your loved one either in a scrap book or on an online memorial website, you have words that you can always go back to for a memory. Writing down feelings either in prose or in poetry is highly recommended as a way to deal with severe grief.
All of the memories that you have wrapped up in a certain person can be easily expressed with a well chosen funeral poem and you will be able to keep these words as a memorial for a long time to come. Share a poem with others in hopes of helping them deal with their grief over losing a loved one. It is only by dealing with the grief that comes with losing a loved one that you can truly come out on the other side and learn to live your life again.
Sympathy Flowers Advice From Experts
Flowers have been displayed at the time of one's passing in nearly every culture throughout time, and their importance continues today. At funerals, wakes, memorials, and cremation services, flowers and plants are a sensitive way to commemorate the life of the departed, express heartfelt sympathy to the bereaved family, and provide an important element of natural beauty in an otherwise somber environment. Family and friends often comment on the artistry, color, and fragrance of sympathy flowers, helping to aide conversation and soften the sorrow. An outpouring of flowers or a particularly striking floral tribute may be remembered long after the funeral as one of the most uplifting symbols of support. In the weeks that follow, flowers, gift baskets, and other expressions sent to the home are also important, as family members adjust to their grief. If you would like to express your sympathy to someone but are unsure what types of flowers or other gestures may best fit the situation, here are a few suggestions from experts to help.
Showing You Care
The most important consideration is to show you care, for the deceased, the bereaved family, and other loved ones who will be gathered. Flowers are one critical component, because they show tribute and honor to the life of the deceased. When considering what type of sympathy flowers may be most appropriate, consider that life. Bright flowers may be best to describe a fruitful life and convey the joy of fondest memories. Pale pastels are appropriate for a soft, feminine touch, while Autumn tones convey a more masculine theme. Pure white blossoms denote purity, grace, and peace. Roses, especially red ones, express undying love.
Making It Personal
If you'd like to personalize your tribute even more, your local florist can help. You might consider incorporating a favorite flower, personal item, or picture of the family. For someone who loved gardening, you might consider a gathering basket of garden fresh flowers with a just-picked look. For someone of faith, you might prefer a cross, Madonna, or other icon. Funeral flowers can be designed in all kinds of shapes and sizes, including insignias and sports items, as well as more traditional wreaths and sprays. Of course, flowers aren't the only way to show you care. Other gestures are important as well. Providing dinner for the family some evening can be so helpful, especially for families including children or elderly. A thoughtful letter, informal outing, or contribution to a favorite charity are excellent options, too. These additional gestures compliment the thoughtfulness of your sympathy flowers, adding an extra personal touch that will be greatly appreciated.
Knowing How Much to Spend
The cost of funerals is steadily increasing. Fortunately, there are flowers for almost every budget. You can express yourself eloquently with something as simple as a single perfect rose, as economical as a modest mixed arrangement, or as striking as a grande standing spray of elegant roses and lilies. For gifts to the funeral home or memorial service, fresh flower arrangements in vases and fan-shaped sympathy designs are usually best, because they provide the most impact for your money. Sympathy flowers come in a broad range of sizes and price ranges. The choice is up to you, but remember there may be other floral tributes displayed in close proximity. So, you don't want to skimp on size. For a nice table arrangement, plan on spending about $50 to $70, with fancier styles running $75 and up. For a larger standing piece, $100 to $150 is common. For gifts to the home, both flowers and plant are popular, with prices typically in the $35 to $60 range.
What about "in lieu of flowers?"
At the suggestion of well-meaning friends or advisors, families sometimes include a phrase in the obituary announcement such as, "In lieu of flowers, contributions may be sent to..." Of course, most families sincerely appreciate all personal expressions of support and may later regret having too few flowers at the funeral. A more appropriate phrase for many might be, "In addition to flowers..." or simply, "Contributions appreciated to..." Use your best judgement, but keep in mind that the "in lieu of" terminology is usually intended to encourage charitable gifts rather than discourage other expressions. Tasteful sympathy flowers are almost always appropriate in addition to charitable giving.
I didn't find out until after the funeral!
Even if you didn't know about the funeral until after it was over, you can still convey your love and respect. Family members need your thoughts, prayers, and personal expressions long after the funeral is over. Flowers and other gestures are a sensitive and appropriate way to let them know that they are not alone. After all, one of the best ways to honor those who have passed is to support those they have left behind.
Are there other ways that I can help?
The best thing you can do is to let family members know that you care. Help with meals, provide child care, drop by with a gift or card, or simply call. Everyone responds to loss differently, but reaching out reminds people they're not alone. You're care may help distract them from their grief allowing an easier transition into a normal routine. In other words, just being there is the best thing you can do to help.
From the people at 1-800-Florals and the Society of American Florists. For additional information and floral tributes, visit Sympathy Flowers online.
Permission is granted to republish this article in its entirety on the Internet, as long as the credit and link above are included.
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