Self-Improvement Articles
Forgiveness A Path To Healing
(category: Self-Improvement, Word count: 690)
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In our journey to inner peace and healing, both guilt and forgiveness of self and others have a profound effect on this process. Guilt is defined as a feeling of culpability especially for imagined offences or from a sense of inadequacy; a self-reproach; and forgiveness as the act of forgiving or the ceasing of feeling resentment against an offender. Guilt and lack of forgiveness of self and others, burdens many people with the heavy weight of inappropriate shame and the destruction of deep-seated resentments. In recent years, much has been written about the destructiveness of repressed emotions and particularly anger and resentment in contributing to life-threatening illnesses.
The belief that feeling emotion means we are weak is a dreadful legacy to burden people with. Teaching people that strength means not feeling or denying our feelings is tantamount to creating illness. Beliefs such as 'big boys don't cry' and 'good girls don't get angry' has resulted in men and women who are unable to get in touch with what they actually feel. Depression is thought to be caused by anger turned inward and is only one of the symptoms of the need to protect ourselves from the scorn associated with expressing feelings. Many other illnesses and particularly the addictions are theorised to be expressions of a deep level of emotional pain.
Why won't we forgive? I believe it starts from our unwillingness to forgive ourselves. We believe that we are undeserving of love, respect, acceptance, appreciation, and the right to live a life where we walk in peace, joy, harmony, and abundance. Somewhere along the line, we started to believe that all the rules and regulations of the society in which we live defined who we were supposed to be. We stopped trusting and believing in our own inherent worth and came to believe that we were 'not good enough.' Messages such as 'you failed' or 'you should' became a litany for us to abuse ourselves with guilt. I call it abuse because it is just as painful when we do it to ourselves as when others do it to us. We became judge and jury and found ourselves guilty of our perceived offences. When the primary caregivers such as parents, teachers, and other societal influences are unable to love themselves unconditionally, this 'learned attitude' is passed on to the next generation as shame in an attempt to control behaviour.
This sense of shame differs from guilt in that guilt is about behaviour. Shame is deeper and more pervasive. It is about your being and feelings of inferiority, inadequacy, being bad and unlovable become the conviction underlying your life. Children grow up believing they are 'not good enough' and become the caregivers for the next generation. And so it goes, on and on. I am not blaming the parents and caregivers here as we parent the way we were parented. My own definition of maturity is that maturity is achieved when we are able to forgive our parents and other significant adults for being human.
What Is Self-forgiveness?
Self-forgiveness is the willingness to believe that you are worthy, that there are no mistakes rather, you are on the planet, or in Earth School (as some people call it) to learn about being human. The opportunities to learn are just that - not mistakes - just opportunities to learn.
Practical Steps to Self-forgiveness
1. Examine how you perceived a certain situation and how you can chose to change your perception. Remember that the thoughts we think create the feelings, and it is our perception that creates our interpretations of the situation.
2. Accept yourself and your humanness - you are not supposed to be perfect.
3. Admit when you make a mistake.
4. Remember that everybody is doing the best they can with what they know, and that includes you.
5. Let go of past-future thinking, stay in the 'Now.'
6. Confront your emotional pain - own your own 'stuff.'
7. Appreciate the lessons that have contributed to your growth and made you who you are now.
8. Say 'I forgive myself for ____________ (whatever).'
Dream Interpretation And Types Of Dreams
(category: Self-Improvement, Word count: 837)
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Dream researchers have discovered several distinct categories of dreams, and these dream categories can be very useful both to people attempting to interpret their own dreams and to professional psychologist and therapists striving to interpret the dreams of others. This article will discuss these categories of dreams.
Dream #1 - the Daydream
While not technically a dream, since it takes place while we are awake, researchers are looking into just where the daydream fits on the spectrum of dreaming, and what it can teach us about more traditional dreams.
It is estimated that most people spend between 70 and 120 minutes each day engaged in daydreaming. Daydreaming is thought to be a level of consciousness below that of a normal waking state but above that of sleep. Daydreaming falls about midway between these two extremes.
During a daydream, we allow our imaginations to take us away from the mundane tasks of the day. As the mind is allowed to wander and conscious awareness is reduced, we can become lost in the fantasy or imaginary scenario.
Dream #2 - the Lucid Dream
Lucid dreams are among the most fascinating subjects in all of dream research. Lucid dreaming takes place when the dreamer realizes that he or she is dreaming while still immersed in the dream. Lucid dreaming occurs in that moment when you tell yourself - "This is only a dream". The occurrence of lucid dreams varies widely from person to person, with some people reporting never having lucid dreams and others reporting almost 100% lucid dreams.
While most dreamers wake up when they realize that they are in a dream, other people are able to develop the ability to remain in the dream and take control of it. These people are able to become an active participant in their dreams, and to take the dream narrative where they want it to go. These people experience some of the most enjoyable and interesting dreams.
Dream #3 - the Nightmare
Many people are troubled by frightening and disturbing dreams, commonly known as nightmares. Young children in particular often suffer from nightmares brought on by fears of monsters in their closets and under the bed, as well as other types of fear.
Of course nightmares are not confined to childhood, and many adults, particularly those who have suffered real life trauma, are particularly susceptible to nightmares. Those people suffering from post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), such as soldiers returning from war, and rescue workers who have been through harrowing situations, report a higher incidence of nightmares than the public at large.
Many people who suffer from frequent nightmares report a history of real life problems, including psychiatric problems, problems with drugs or alcohol, or problems with family relationships. Treatment for frequent nightmares should therefore be aimed at dealing with the initial trauma or traumas that created the situation in the first place.
Dream #4 - the Recurring Dream
Most people have had a recurring dream at one point in their life, a dream that repeats itself, with minor variations or even none at all. Recurring dreams can be about any subject, and they focus on that subject night after night.
Some recurring dreams are positive and uplifting, but studies show the majority of recurring dreams to be negative in nature. Dreams can recur in this manner because the real life event that triggered it has remained unresolved. Dealing with the real life trauma responsible for recurring nightmares is often the best way to banish the bad dream.
Some dreamers report experiencing narrative dreams, in which the dream picks up where it left off night after night. These dreams are somewhat rare, but the people who experience them report them to be very vivid and memorable. Keeping a dream journal can be a big help in both remembering and interpreting these kinds of dreams.
Dream #5 - the Healing Dream
Healing dreams are often seen as sending a message to the dreamer regarding his or her health. Healing dreams often spur the dreamer to take a long delayed trip to the dentist or doctor.
Dream #6 - the Prophetic Dream
Prophetic dreams are also known as precognitive dreams, and the people experiencing these dreams often report the ability to use them to foretell the future. Independent studies of these types of dreams are rare, and the jury remains out on whether this ability to see the future exists.
One non supernatural explanation for the prophetic dream is that the subconscious mind pieces together bits of information encountered throughout the day, then puts them together in a form that makes sense to the dreamer.
Dream #7 - the Epic Dreams
Epic dreams are somewhat rare, but they are unforgettable to those who experience them. Epic dreams are so vivid, and so compelling that they simply cannot be ignored. The tiniest details of these dreams are often remembered for many years. These epic dreams may possess lots of symbols and meaning for the dreamer.
The New Years Resolution It S That Time Again
(category: Self-Improvement, Word count: 744)
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I have a small poster on my wall, it reads..."What's the point in having dreams..... if you're not going to make them happen?"
Many of us have ambitions and dreams that we never seem to act upon, there's always something that gets in the way of making a start. So here you are again, seeing out the old year, along with its broken promises and failed, good intentions. Fresh with newly found conviction, you arrive at the New Year's resolution, an annual triumph of hope over reality! Hope, that this time you will have the single mindedness to succeed, where last time you failed. So what's going to make the difference this time?
The way we think, stops us from realizing our dreams. How many people want to change their lives and believe that they can't because of responsibilities? lack of confidence? low self esteem, or simply that they fear change itself?
How we think and feel about ourselves is often the difference between happiness and success, or frustration and failure, therefore success and real lasting change only comes from changing the way we think. We are all products of our own thinking.
So, every thought we think has an impact on us. We respond to our negative thoughts and to our positive thoughts. If you have a history of failing to live up to your own expectations, your memories are loaded with negative programming, sabotaging your chance of success even before you start.
You may dream of winning the lottery as the means of realizing your ambitions and yes, you could win! But it's down to chance and you have a better chance of flying to the moon, than of winning the lottery. Pinning your hopes and dreams to chance alone is admitting that you have no control over your future, but it doesn't have to be that way at all.
Making a real change to your life? Well that's a dream you can, make happen! And you can start right here, right now.
You don't have to put up with being unfulfilled at work or in a relationship or with the direction that your life is taking. The very fact that you recognise this in yourself is a clear indicator that you have the capability to embrace change and realise your true potential, even if you can't see how you will be able to achieve you r goals.
Help is there for those who need it. You can change the way you think about yourself and your situation using hypnotherapy DVD's.
Many people struggle to maintain willpower. They feel that they need help and are often too embarrassed to admit to anyone that they have a problem. Now, many sufferers of low motivation and low confidence and self-esteem, are benefiting from hypnotherapy treatment, which can literally change peoples lives for the better.
Your life will improve if you begin to believe in yourself and your abilities, you will feel respected, giving you that extra boost to increase motivation, and your enthusiasm will increase noticeably. Some people say it feels like magic because it is so easy to make powerful, lasting changes. Hypnotherapy simply allows you to access the resources you already have in your subconscious mind.
Life is just about enjoying the moment, believing in yourself and your dreams.
Desire to make changes is good. Taking action to start something is even better. Let's assume that you've decided right now, to start making the changes in your life that you really want. If you have tried before and failed, you need a support structure put into place as quickly as possible, to help you to maintain your resolve and to keep your thought processes focused on your goals. A hypnotherapy DVD programme for home use can help you succeed.
Life only comes once, it's quite short and you have to appreciate what's good in it. So try to get the most out of everything you do and begin to enjoy the ride!
You're starting the latest phase of your journey, and the future hasn't been written yet. Make next year, the year you make the dream happen.
I have another little poster on the wall, it reads... I like cats .... they taste like chicken!!
So far, I have failed to find any deeper meaning to this!
Avoiding Awkward Situations
(category: Self-Improvement, Word count: 265)
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Uncomfortable social situations are the worst-minor blunders can leave you embarrassed and feeling socially inadequate. A few simple tricks can help you avoid the most common mistakes and boost your self-esteem and social prowess at the same time.
The Name Game
You walk into a meeting and say, "Hey, Larry, how are you?" to which he replies, "Good, and actually, it's Harry." We've all had moments where we've experienced this sort of interaction and it's never pleasant. To help prevent this, be sure to pay close attention when someone new is being introduced. If you happen to miss the name in the introduction, seize that moment to ask again. Don't guess; you may not get it right and this will just lead to confusion later on. To help reinforce your memory, say the name in your head a few times. In addition, make an association with the person's name and a relevant connection-something they are wearing, their occupation or the surroundings you're in. If the person is wearing a purple dress and you've named them "Purple Patty," don't worry, you don't need to share that with anyone else. If all else fails, admit your forgetfulness, blame it on a busy day and ask again. Just be sure and remember this time!
Body of Work
We are all human and sometimes cannot control the internal functions of our body. However, there are small things we can do to help us get through the day. For unavoidable bodily functions like gas, a remedy that is discreet and easy, like refreshing peppermint or cinnamon-flavored Gas-X
How To Have Fun With Speeches
(category: Self-Improvement, Word count: 436)
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While most people consider speaking in public worse than a death sentence, it does not have to be so. In fact, public speaking can be a fun and fruitful endeavor in the hands of a speaker with the right mindset.
And the first agenda when it comes to public speaking is to approach it in terms of having fun.
How can you ever have fun speaking to a large audience hanging on to your every word and gesture, you say? The answers are simple.
Here are a few tips to get you started.
1. Choose a subject near and dear to your heart. There is no better supplier of knowledge than experience. Your audience knows when you just read off a book and when you're speaking from having been there yourself.
Frankly speaking, unless you speak with emotional involvement with the subject, you cannot endear yourself to your audience. The audience looks for it, wants to know that whatever they are learning from you is worth their time and effort to listen to.
You want to be earnest, enthusiastic, excited, and persuasive. No other technique does this faster than being personally involved.
2. Capture the feelings you had about the topic. Again, your feelings are the key to a convincing speech and is the ability to project the feelings you had of the subject across the whole audience. Some may not agree with you and some may have felt you could have said it another way. But, none of them will forget you.
Speaking to the public monotonously and indifferently creates a sense of objectivity not appreciated by the audience. The stage is not the time to become dispassionate. Imagine the reason why we patronize movies and theater so much. It is partly because we want to see depth of emotion expressed fully.
As human beings, we need to see humanity in others.
3. Speak and act sincerely. You must approach the speech like a man going to have a good time, not like a man heading for a hanging. No matter what happens, you must have the will to survive with a sense of humor. In this tip, one must find a way to appreciate the situation he is in, and then find a way to turn the tables to his advantage.
The ability to float right-side up when you are down is a great test of personal character more than anything. To act with sincerity in all that you do will permeate his being and will become most noticeable with the audience.
Toxic Guilt Healthy Guilt
(category: Self-Improvement, Word count: 703)
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Guilt is an important feeling. It is the appropriate feeling to have when we have deliberately done something hurtful or harmful to others. People who can harm others without any feelings of guilt or remorse were formerly called sociopaths or psychopathic personalities, and are now defined as suffering from Anti-social Personality Disorder. Anti-social Personality Disorder is a severe disorder that includes - along with many other symptoms - the lack of a conscience. Without a conscience, people can deliberately harm others without ever feeling guilt or remorse.
While it is very important to feel guilt at deliberately harming others, many people feel toxic guilt. Toxic guilt is inappropriate guilt - guilt that comes from self-judgments regarding having done something wrong when is no actual wrongdoing.
For example Fran, one of my clients, was exploring the guilt she feels when she speaks with her mother.
"No matter what I say, my mother always seems to feel hurt and then I feel guilty at hurting her. Sometimes I wish I never had to talk with my mother. I don't want to not have a relationship with her, but I hate feeling guilty all the time."
Fran's feelings of guilt are not coming from actually inflicting harm on her mother. Her feelings are coming from the self-judgment that she absorbed from her mother's judgments of her. Her guilt is coming from the fact that she is telling herself she is doing something wrong. Fran falsely believes that if someone feels hurt, it must be her fault.
Fran's mother taught Fran that when her mother was feeling hurt, it was Fran's fault. Now Fran feels guilty whenever someone she is involved with feels hurt or angry. However, it is not the other person's feelings, nor their blame, anger or judgment toward her that is causing Fran to feel guilty. It is her own self-judgment that is causing her feelings of guilt. If Fran did not believe that she was responsible for causing others' feelings, she would not feel guilty when her mother or others blamed her for their feelings.
Fran actually knows that she is not doing anything wrong, yet she continues to judge herself whenever her mother or others are hurt or upset. There is a very good reason for this.
Fran WANTS to believe that she is causing others' feelings because it gives her a sense of control over how others feel about her. The wounded part of her that wants to control how others feel about her reasons that, "If I can cause others to be hurt or upset, I can also cause them to be loving and accepting. If I just do things right, then I can control how others feel about me and treat me." This belief in control gives Fran the illusion of safety. She does not want to know that she is not in control over how others feel about her and treat her. She does not want to know that she does not pull the strings on others' feelings and behavior.
While Fran doesn't like the feeling of guilt, she is unconsciously willing to go on feeling guilty in order to maintain her illusion of control. If she comes into truth about her lack of control over how others feel about her and treat her, her toxic guilt will disappear. Toxic guilt and an addiction to control go hand and hand.
We all need to be able to feel healthy guilt - the guilt that comes from actual wrongdoing. But toxic guilt is not good for anyone. You can move beyond toxic guilt by understanding that:
* the belief that you can control others feelings and behavior by doing things "right" ->
* leads to self-judgment to control your own behavior to get yourself to do it "right" ->
* which leads to toxic guilt.
The way out of toxic guilt is to:
* fully accept of your lack of control over others feelings and behavior ->
* which leads to a lessening of self-judgment ->
* which leads to a lessening of toxic guilt.
With practice, you can completely eliminate your toxic guilt. It's all up to you!
Emotion No Longer A Dirty Word
(category: Self-Improvement, Word count: 392)
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When I tell some people that we perceive and communicate emotionally and then give logical reasons for it, they are quick to deny it. However, salespeople know this to be true. They learn that people buy for emotional reasons and then rationalize the purchase. Showing someone why he or she needs the item or service will not get you as far as showing him or her why he or she wants it.
The same semantics' happen with perceptions and communication. When we look at the physiology of perceptions, we learn that our clearest memories are ones that have an emotional context to it. The reason is: anything that is highly emotional will come through the amygdala in our brain, whether it is from fear or love, anxiety or excitement.
Other sensory information will come directly from the brain stem to the hippocampus and a more select version will come from the cortex.
So whether it was a happy memory, i.e. weddings, special vacation, birth of a child or a sad memory: death, injury, 9/11, or an assassination of a major figure, we hold clear details of what we were doing at the time.
Many people fight hearing this because "emotional" was considered a dirty word for a long time. This group still relates to the old meaning. To them it is about being out of control, or even weak and unstable.
Most people are coming around and seeing it in a new light and as a word that can help them. Those who follow Meta or Quantum physics understand the importance of this word. How it is part of the secret, which many successful people used to acquire what they want in life.
We are taught that clear thought and communication with ourselves, combined with feeling or strong emotional desire, is the path to achieving our dreams and desires. That everything starts with a thought and then the feeling or the emotion brings it into fruition.
It is the half of the equation that many people are missing due to their dislike of the word. But what if you looked at emotion in a new light? What if you saw it as your strength? And what if you saw it as a tool for all you wish to achieve? Imagine the possibilities.
Raw Potatoes And Other Dining Adventures
(category: Self-Improvement, Word count: 481)
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I admit it: I'm a big fan of the Law of Attraction. It's become one of the focal points of my life and of my coaching and teaching practice. However, I've discovered that there is one drawback to the Law of Attraction: It takes all the fun out of complaining! Once you understand the basic principles of the Law of Attraction you know that whenever you complain, you're in the process of attracting more of exactly what you're whimpering about.
Here's a case in point. This past weekend, my friend and I stopped by a little diner on the way back from our hike out on the coast. I ordered a simple brunch of eggs, potatoes and a biscuit. He opted for the BLT. All was good until we began talking about a dinner we had a few weeks ago at a local restaurant.
"Can you believe their prices?" I whined.
"Nope." He replied.
"I mean, $18.50 for a personal pizza? What are they thinking?"
"What are all the people thinking that eat there?" He said. "That's what I want to know."
"Yeah. I mean it's not even outrageously great food." I said. "Good, yeah, but not great. Not $18.50 for a pizza with no leftovers great!"
And on it went for a few minutes until I caught myself, realized what I was doing, and said, "We're screwed Mike."
"What do you mean?"
"Well we're both students of the Law of Attraction and here we are moaning about all the stuff we didn't like at that restaurant. And as we both know, that means that we're sending out big vibrational signals to the Universe saying, 'look, we're saying we don't like all this stuff we're talking about, but really what we're saying is that we just can't get enough of it. So please send us more!"
"Oh man, you're right." He said.
So we began focusing on all the things that we liked about dining out, but, alas, it was too late. Just then, the waitress brought my plate out, and I could tell, right away, that the potatoes were undercooked. They were milky white in color, with that glean of oil that has not been cooked off. There was no sign of the crispy crunchies on the outside that I like so much. Poking my fork into one of them confirmed my worst fears. They were hard on the inside. I enjoy most of my veggies a bit undercooked, I like my broccoli to bite back a bit, but not potatoes. Crunchy on the outside and soft on the inside. That's how I like them. And these definitely were not!
My friend, who happens to be a professional chef, was somewhat less deprecating of their efforts, but nonetheless acknowledged the al dent
Exercises That Fight Insomnia
(category: Self-Improvement, Word count: 503)
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If you've ever spent an entire day outside running around, chasing your children or taking a hike, you probably found it easy to fall asleep. Insomnia wasn't nagging at you after you'd exhausted your body through physical activity.
For some people though that rule doesn't apply to them. Intense physical activity while working the muscles and getting the heartbeat up, can work as a stimulant and instead of drifting easily to sleep, a person can find themselves wide awake fighting insomnia.
Keeping our bodies active is important. Not just for the obvious physical benefits but also because regular exercise can be a natural cure for insomnia. It's important to choose exercises that will work towards the goal of sleep as opposed to the exercises that energize you to a point that sleep becomes almost impossible.
Yoga is a method of exercise that people have been doing for centuries. It involves a series of stretches and breathing exercises that work to tone the body from the inside out. Most cities offer several choices in yoga programs. Often many yoga studios even offer a free drop-in class. This helps you become familiar with the program and the series of stretches that are involved. If it's something that you enjoy you can quickly incorporate it into your fitness regime and before long you'll feel the positive benefits in relation to your sleep patterns as well.
Walking is a great exercise to combat insomnia as well. With walking though timing is very important. You don't want to go for a long and strenuous walk shortly before you are retiring for the evening. During the walk your heartbeat will have become elevated and many of your muscles will be tight. If you go from moving at a steady pace to trying to lay silently in the bed, chances are that sleep will elude you for at least a couple of hours. Your body truly does need a cooling off period, so the benefits of walking in relation to insomnia can be most profound if the walking is done earlier in the day.
Another exercise that has a positive result when it comes to insomnia is swimming. Swimming at a steady pace up and down the length of the pool allows your muscles to be worked out gently and the water offers a soothing quality that many other exercise regimes don't. Also, if you are swimming at a public facility, they also often offer free use of a sauna or a hot tub. Both of these allow your body to relax and can help prepare you for sleep.
Exercise can be a great way to naturally fight insomnia, however the success of that depends a great deal on the type of exercise. Pick something not too strenuous that is soothing and allows you to easily shift from the activity to preparing for bed. If you make exercise a regular part of your evening routine, you'll find yourself waking up to a night free of insomnia.
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