Before You Say I Do
One out of every two marriages ends in divorce. Millions of Americans are filing for divorce. As the divorce rate continues to escalate in America, dating relationships are becoming more popular.
Social scientists have led us in the wrong direction, as they embrace incorrect solutions to a momentous problem. They are sending forth a message that is misleading pertaining to dating relationships. This message by social scientists will continue to mislead individuals who sincerely want to establish healthy dating relationships, with the hope of embracing an everlasting marriage. In this article, we will explore the truth behind the soaring divorce rate. In our search for a remedy, we are spending billions of dollars annually chasing illusionary solutions.
In the previous article, "The Art of Selection", we explored how the selection process is retarded when selecting our dating partners. One's selfish soul perverts the meaning of dating that may lead to marriage by focusing on imagination and desires. Take a step further; let us look at imaginary pleasures and security. Trapped in the fairy tale syndrome, we pursue dating and love relationships in an effort to receive immediate and future gratification from our dating partners. The selfish soul commits acts that weaken the foundation of a healthy relationship from the very start. The potential dating partner commits blameworthy acts to make a good impression. He/she gives a misleading representation of oneself, being overly kind, spending extravagantly, being conscious of one's physical appearance, always appearing truthful, having late night telephone marathons, and displaying a disposition of caring and commonality of interests are commonplace when painting a handsome picture of deception. In one's effort to insure the acquisition of his/her desires, he/she resorts to deception to consummate personal relationships that eventually end in disaster. This activity is the beginning of the breakdown in the marriage union before a potential marriage couple says, "I do".
Before marriage and during the courtship, the relationship seems magical. Every day is a heartwarming experience. It feels so surreal and no one likes to be aroused from a dream. This state of elation takes total control of us, blocking out any semblance of rational thought. Helplessly hypnotized, we become a servant to an oppressive master, our own desires. We absorb this form of deception similar to a sponge that absorbs water that eventually transforms into tears.
Allowing our desires to be the criteria to make decisions exposes us to the most destructive form of a relationship. It becomes impossible to be fair, just, equitable, impartial, unprejudiced, unbiased, objective or dispassionate with others or ourselves. If the family structure is the foundation of society, then we must rethink our strategy when approaching a serious relationship.
As the dawn of reality rushes in and the dusk of deception slowly fades away, reflecting the light of reason, it becomes apparent we are in an undesirable dating relationship. It is no surprise that our mate's disposition changes. He/she goes from being overly kind to being overly aggressive, mentally and physically. Sexual passion dissipates, extravagant spending dissolves, the truth becomes lies, commonality of interest changes to two strangers passing by one another in the night, and the list of deceptions continues to unfold.
How To Find Honeymoon Phuket Island Thailand
The best course of action to take sometimes isn't clear until you've listed and considered your alternatives. The following paragraphs should help clue you in to what the experts think is significant.
I have long dreamt of visiting the Phi Phi Islands . I first read about these beautiful remote islands off the coast of Phuket about 10 years ago and then, like everybody else, I was spellbound with the stunning scenery shown in the movie, The Beach, starring Leonardo DiCaprio. After seeing the film for a second time, I decided that Phi Phi would be my honeymoon destination one day.
You can imagine my sense of anticipation when I finally arrived there with my bride a few weeks ago. Most tourists arrive by sea from Phuket or Krabi, but we decided to fly there from Phuket Airport using a new seaplane service, Blue Water Air. As we came down to land, I looked out at the splendid sight below - soaring cliffs and dense forests bordering golden stretches of sand. We boarded a speedboat and a few minutes later we arrived at the delightful little village at Ton Sai Bay.
Although it is commonly referred to as Phi Phi "island", pronounced Pee-Pee, there are actually two islands. The bigger of the two, Phi Phi Don, is where everybody stays, as the smaller Phi Phi Lei is uninhabited. The big attraction on Phi Phi Lei is Maya Bay and its beautiful beach, where the movie was shot. On Phi Phi Don there are some superb resorts dotted around the coastline, but most accommodation is in Ton Sai village. The settlement is perched on a stretch of sand between two steep hills, with the sea bordering either side.
My first surprise on arriving was to find that there are no motorcars on the island. Porters use hand-carts to transport luggage from the pier to your hotel room and the speediest form of transport is the bicycle. Small, winding lanes run between the hotels and bungalows, packed with little stores offering everything from 24-hour Internet services and diving packages to pizzas and pancakes.
After booking into our hotel, the Phi Phi Island Cabana, we set off for a swim in Loh Dalum Bay, only a few metres away. It was surprisingly shallow and we waded out with the occasional sea kayak or Thai fisherman for company. As the sun set we lay back in the water and looked at the lights of the waterfront cafes and bars twinkling under the palm trees. We were in heaven!
Later that night we celebrated our first night on Phi Phi with cocktails at the Jungle Bar, a fabulous beachside bar lit by flame torches. We met some young Scandinavian backpackers and they advised us to head down the beach to an Italian restaurant, Ciao Bella, for "the best pizza in Thailand ". My wife opted for prawns from the fresh seafood on display, but I ordered a pizza, which lived up to its reputation. Later I chatted with the Italian owner, who told me that he has lived on Phi Phi for more than 10 years. His family live in Phuket during the week, but he prefers the simple life in his beachfront bungalow.
Early the next morning we hired a speedboat and set off to see Maya Bay, the cove where most of the film was made. Surprisingly, it has remained unspoilt despite the crowds which visit every day. Get there early - or just before sunset - and you should have at least part of the beach to yourself. When the first ferryload of daytrippers arrived, we went snorkelling on the other side of the island. I have snorkelled before, but this was really special. It felt like I was drifting above a marine wonderworld, with brightly-coloured fish swarming around me. My wife was nervous at first, but later we struggled to get her out of the water! We then did a trip around the island, stopping off in quiet little bays for a swim.
Sometimes the most important aspects of a subject are not immediately obvious. Keep reading to get the complete picture.
When we finally returned to the pier, I was ready to head for a late afternoon nap, but my wife had a different idea. "What about a Thai massage?" she asked. We headed off to one of the little massage shops and, for the next 90 minutes, I drifted off into a blissful half-sleep.
That night I was all set for another night of drinking and dining with my toes in the sand, but my wife decided she wanted to go somewhere "elegant". "Darling, we're on an island, miles from anywhere," I pleaded. "Don't be silly, we'll find somewhere special here", was her retort. And we did. That night we dined at an excellent little French restaurant, named Le Grand Bleu, situated in an alley close to the jetty.
Fortified by a bottle of wine, we then headed for the stretch of lively bars that are mostly frequented by backpackers. Those we liked best were Apache, a loud, massive bar consisting of a series of terraces clinging to a steep hillside, and Carlitos, a small bar which featured an amazing "fire show", where dancers twirled and juggled flaming batons. The star of the show told us he had set up classes to teach his skills to locals, so get ready for a host of fire-dancing stars emanating from Phi Phi!
The next day we chartered a longtail boat and spent the day on Bamboo Island about 30 minutes away. We relaxed in the shade of the casuarinas and palms fringing the beach and read novels bought from a second-hand book store before we left the village. We intended to take a scuba diving course, but the urge to do as little as possible increased the longer we stayed on the island. There was always something new to discover in the village, my favourites being a reggae bar tucked away up the hill and a bakery where the TV seemed to show movies all day to an appreciative backpacker audience.
Most of the time I was happy to prop myself up at one of the little bars along the seafront chatting to whoever dropped in, while my wife was content to lie and suntan in a deckchair on the beach only metres away. One afternoon we managed to rouse ourselves enough to undertake the rather strenuous walk up the nearby mountain to the "viewpoint" - a spot where you can take in the full splendour of the bays below. It was magnificent and worth the tiring hike.
Our five-day holiday on Phi Phi seemed far too short. As we prepared to board the boat to the seaplane's floating jetty, I insisted we take off our shoes and wade out into the bay for one last time. With my dream of visiting the island fulfilled, I am now looking forward to heading back for a second honeymoon. It can't come soon enough.
Straight Forward Advice On Marriage That Works
Let's face it; if you're looking for advice on marriage, you could spend DAYS researching on the internet without even scratching the surface of all the marriage advice that's out there.
But the sad fact is, that's what most people in your situation do...they RESEARCH...but never ACT on the concepts and ideas they learn about because they come up with "excuses" for why THEIR situation is DIFFERENT.
Well let me tell you....your situation is NOT different. And as EXTREME as MY marriage was...my "situation" was NOT different either...
So why am I qualified to give YOU advice on marriage? Because I managed to save my marriage...on my own...after 27 years of fighting, car chases and battles over her way vs. my way.
Our marriage was as bad as it gets.
You see, I married my COMPLETE OPPOSITE. In fact, you'd think we were from different planets if you compared our habits, values, priorities and temperaments... and that's before you take into account our male/female differences....which brings me to one of the best pieces of advice on marriage that I can give you...
1. LEARN THE "5 LOVE LANGUAGES"
When I discovered this critical bit of advice on marriage, it really opened my eyes as to EXACTLY what made my wife happy. Often times we wish our spouse would treat us a certain way, but we never actually tell them what it is that we want them to do!
Gary Chapman, author of the book, The Five Live Languages, makes it easy for you to communicate what you need from your spouse to feel loved...and what they need from you!
When I found out what made my wife feel loved...I was SHOCKED!
She wanted "acts of service" of all things! I thought that since I liked "words of affirmation"...that she would too!
I hated doing "acts of service" (a.k.a. chores around the house, gardening and repairs) and that's exactly why I wasn't meeting her needs! I didn't realize what I was doing wrong until I read this book.
...which reminds me...here's another great piece of advice on marriage you need to keep in mind...
Many couples make the BIG mistake of treating their spouse the way they WISH their spouse would treat THEM!
In other words, smothering your spouse in hugs and kisses isn't going to make him/her want to hug/kiss YOU more if what they actually need from YOU is "acts of service" like taking out the trash or cleaning the house!
If you want to improve your marriage and have your spouse meet your needs, by meeting theirs FIRST, I highly recommend this book. You can find it at: http://www.stopyourdivorcein4weeks.com/gary.html
Now I've never seen anyone talk about this last piece of advice on marriage, so pay close attention...
2. YOU CAN'T IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE UNLESS YOU FEEL LIKE IT FIRST
Many people search for the recipe for a happy marriage, in a quest for a simple LIST of things they can go do and then simply "check the items off of their list."
But unfortunately, that's not how REAL married life works. I could give you a long list of advice on marriage that would improve your relationship, but that list won't do you any good. If you're like most married couples, you won't act on ANY advice on marriage... until you first feel like doing it FIRST.
Telling you to "go do something" to improve your marriage is NOT going to make a difference in your relationship when you resent your spouse and feel SO negative that you can't even bring yourself to do it!
The key is actually FEELING LIKE doing something positive for your marriage...and THEN doing it.
Believe me; it's MUCH easier to do something nice for your spouse when you're feeling optimistic about your marriage...than it is to "force" yourself to be the first one to take a step towards a better marriage.
Now I know what you're thinking. "How do I get to the point where I FEEL LIKE doing something to improve my marriage? I'm so frustrated with my spouse right now!"
Well, I'm glad you asked. I offer a FREE mini-course on "How to Overcome Your Negative feelings...the Moment they Appear." If you're at all interested, keep reading so you can get started on the mini-course right away...
Christian Sex 7 Barriers To Fulfilling Married Sexuality
Many Christian married couples have yet to experience a fulfilling sexuality. Yet, it is an essential ingredient for a vital Christian marriage. Here are 7 barriers to a fun and fulfilling lovemaking for Christian married couples
1.Not knowing what God says about sex
The first commandment God gave was to engage in sex (Genesis 1: 27-28.) God had just created humanity in His image, commanded them to be "fruitful and multiply", and then commented "it was good" (Genesis 1:31.) Somehow, it seems like this was a priority for Adam and Eve.
2.Talking very little with your spouse about sexuality or your preferences.
When couples can share with their spouse about sexuality or their sexual preferences, intimacy is created. An emotional bond results from the intimate level of vulnerability on a conversational level. A great place to start talking about sex is to share what lovemaking means to you emotionally, how frequent you would like to have sex, and even times of the day or specific days.
3.Engaging out of obligation, rather than enjoyment
Many believe sex was solely intended for procreation, rather than recreation. To the contrary, the poetic references in the Song of Solomon describe lovemaking that is enjoyable and anticipated. Feel free to have some fun with sex with different positions and places. However, all must be with respect for your spouse's considerations. I Corinthians 1:4 states that our bodies belong to our mates, not just us. It is written from a spirit of equality, where both spouses are to serve one another, rather than one controlling the other. For one spouse to force the other into sexual behaviors without consent is abusive.
4 Failure to plan
Many couples, Christians especially, are sexually frustrated. While some of this may be attributed to different sexual appetites, much more is a result of infrequency. Sex is never convenient, but is critical to a vital relationship. Plan for sex like you would any other appointment. Rather than thinking of this as stale, consider that it allows you and your spouse time to plan for the special time together. Planning also alleviates any concerns for sexual deprivation and sexual pressure.
5.Using sex as a reward or punishment
Sex is often used as a reward for some positive behavior. Or it can be withheld when one spouse is angry with the other. Couples sabotage themselves when their sex life becomes a bartering system. Because of its vulnerability, lovemaking must be unconditional to be meaningful. Find other ways to thank your spouse, and healthy ways to overcome your resentments.
6.Unresolved sexual abuse issues
Sexual abuse issues follow spouses into marriage. Victims of sexual abuse may have an aversion to lovemaking, or experience painful reminders of the past. For some, there may be a distortion of healthy sexuality. If you have been wounded from sexual abuse, realize that you did nothing to deserve this. Furthermore, there is hope. I encourage you to find a counselor that specializes in this area, and begin the road to recovery. It is one thing to survive sexual abuse, and another to overcome it.
The most significant destructive force to a healthy sex life is pornography. And yes, I am talking about Christian marriages. Images are burned into a person's mind, thereby creating an insatiable thirst for more erotic behavior, or harmful behaviors. Some couples have stated the use of pornography enhances their sex life. I disagree. Not only is it degrading, but it fosters empty relationships by focusing on the physical rather than love. If your marriage has been affected by pornography, find a qualified counselor to help you rebuild the intimacy in your marriage.
In my experience as a Christian counselor, a lot of confusion exists amongst married couples regarding a healthy Christian sex life. The reality is that God has given sex as a gift for married couples to embrace rather than tolerate, or misuse. So much of today's culture promotes a contaminated view of sex. As Christians, let's change our culture by strengthening our marriages with a healthy Christian sexuality
Marriage Counseling Marriage Is Good For Your Health Wealth And Happiness
Marriage keeps you healthy, US government researchers reported in December. According to a new study by the Center for Disease Control, married people are less likely to smoke, drink heavily or be physically inactive. They are less likely than singles, divorcees or widowed adults to be in fair or poor health and are less likely to suffer from headaches or psychological problems.
"It could by the 'Nag Factor,'" according to Barbara Bartlein, author of Why Did I Marry You Anyway? 12.5 Strategies for a Happy Marriage. " Spouses tend to nag each other about health related issues such as smoking, drinking, risky behavior and receiving regular medical care."
Ironically, people have climbed the ladder of success by working long hours and taking on extra projects, often sacrificing time with family. Now, new research demonstrates that they would actually be healthier, wealthier and happier if they concentrated more on their marriage. There appears to be grave consequences for couples that call it quits too easily that have not been addressed in previous studies. We have created disposable marriages in a throw away culture with little regard to the personal costs for the individual and family.
If you are looking for a long and healthy life, marriage may be part of the answer. Married folks tend to live longer and healthier than their single, divorced or widowed counterparts. And while my husband would claim that it just feels longer, the statistics demonstrate this is true.
*Non-marrieds have significantly higher rates of mortality; 50% higher among women and 250% higher among men.
*For men, staying married boosts the chance of surviving to age 65 from about 2 out of three to almost 9 out of 10.
*The unmarried are far more likely to die from all causes, including coronary heart disease, stroke, pneumonia, cancer, cirrhosis, automobile accidents, murder, and suicide.
*Being married improves the mental health for both men and women
What About A Stag Party In Brighton
Brighton is the south coasts party capital, and lets face it, we much rather be beside the seaside! With over 450 pubs and clubs there is no excuse for not having a great night, especially given the brilliant party vibe at weekends. With beach front restaurants and a trendy scene, this is as near to Ibiza as England gets. Accordingly the clubs in this town are top notch too, attracting more famous DJs than you would believe. For those who would prefer a more traditional stag weekend experience then there are also casino's and strip bars in spades. If all of this seams like to much choice, then why not get onboard the unique party bus and travel in style to all the towns hotspots. What is more this is a town which has a relaxed attitude late night opening, meaning you can definitely party till dawn.
Don't think the fun ends during the daytime either, Brighton boasts a wide range of outdoor activities, paintball, quad bikes, target shooting, karting and yachting to name just a few. Or you could seek the perfect hangover cure with tasty fish and chips, followed by amusements on Brighton's famous pier.
One of the most important things on any stag night is the accommodation, and if you are considering Brighton as a location, then there are several things that you ought to be aware of when you are making plans for the stag night. Firstly Brighton's accommodation is mostly small independant Bed and Breakfast type establishments, so while you may get a warm welcome, don't anticipate the fancy frills and trimmings associated with posh 4 star hotels available in most other UK cities. Secondly, if you are making plans for your Brighton stag night in the summer, then you are going in peak season and accommodation gets booked up months in advance and hoteliers also charge a premium during the main period from April to September. You will frequently find that you will end up paying as much as three times the amount for the same accommodation if you go in the height of summer as you would during the winter months! therefore plan well ahead and get that accommodation booked in early to avoid disappointment.
Free Effective Marriage Counseling Advice Online How To Get It
In reality, marriage is one of the most difficult tasks to handle. Problems and quirks are normal things to encounter in marriage. However, couples still choose to stay in the bond of marriage so save the holy matrimony. But some couple are not able to handle things well, so they definitely have to seek help from the authorities. Who are these authorities?
One way to seek help is to ask advice from marriage counselors. They are considered the doctors in terms of marriage problems. As you know, marriage is very important especially when there are kids in the family. So it is important to hold on to the relationship.
One among though things to handle is marriage. If a problem arises between the couple, at least one should be concern about how to solve it. One should seek the solution and one among the most effective solution is to seek for advices from the marriage counselors.
It is good for someone in the relationship to be educated about how marriages are handled. One way to educate self is by attending the sessions about marriages. You can also open up you problems so the counselors will give you advices on how you can handle your marriage problem well. You should only listen carefully so you would know how to deal with it correctly.
Marriage counseling is a form of confrontation where in the topic is all about marriage. it is normal for couple to experience difficulties in marriages, this is why counselors are willing to help them with their concerns. Counselors can be a good help to these couples by listening to their problems and giving out advices in which the couple should follow in order to maintain a good and harmonious relationship.
You should also take into consideration the credentials and qualifications of the marriage counselors that you are going to relay your problems on. Of course, to convey trust you must know the background of your counselors. From this you will know that the counselor you will be handing over your problems are professional and will sure help you with your marriage problems.
You can also look for counselors that give free marriages advices. There are many marriage counselors online can help you with your concern but will not ask anything from you.
The online marriage counselors will also discuss to you the different traditional arguments about marriage. if you cannot afford to pay for a therapist, you can use online marriage counseling to solve your problems with marriage. the only problem with this is the lack of live activities.
Online marriage counseling is very new in the net, so regulation should be established first. However, it can be a great help for those who want to seek for help but do not have much budget to spend. Everyone with marriage problems can log on to the particular site and seek help.
Counseling is one of the effective ways to save marriages. Free online marriage counseling is made available for you so you do not have to worry about paying dollars on therapist just to help you seek solutions to your marriage problem. The important thing is the self involvement. You should have faith and be patience to live a happy married life.
Considering A Stag Do In Barcelona
Barcelona has everything - sun is hot, the nightlife is hot, and the women even hotter. What could be more memorable setting for your stag weekend than the sexy Spain's stunning capital Barcelona?
Barcelona's status as one of the top three Stag weekend destinations in Europe is totally deserved. The options for an unforgettable weekend are endless. Take a spot of golfing, a pinch of sight-seeing, a mouthful of amazing food, all washed down with a bottle of Sangria, and you and the boys will be on your way to a stag night to remember.
If food and drink does not tick off everything on your stag do wish list, surely watching a footy game at the famous Nou Camp Stadium during your stag weekend will. With a crowd capacity of 100,000 and a home crowd bordering on insane, home games are always popular, and guaranteed to warm you up for an energetic evening.
If you're a bit of a culture vulture on the side then Barcelona offers entertainment as wide ranging as the mind-altering Dali museum, and as cheeky as the Museo de la Erotica. Fiery flamenco, brilliant beaches, the yachts, and the shops and cafes of La Rambla, will have you reeling in delight. An excursion to the famous Barcelona Bullring will add a touch of authentic Spanish charm. And for the more active why not head out to Port Aventura's Universal Studios Theme Park, try quad biking, or race your mates on the outdoor karting track.
If the sun, sand, Sangria and fun-filled activities are all too much, a 90-minute sail on a catamaran, out into the tranquility of the Med will sooth those aching bodies and clear your heads.
The perfect end to a great stag night.
How To Get Success When Online Dating Russian Women
You can have a lot of online dating Russian women fun. You can meet Russian brides who become your friends and those who may become more than just friends with you. Many Russian women have met their significant others at a dating service online. Internet Dating can be fun, but you must make sure you follow these simple rules:
Remember What It Should Be Fun First
Instead of entering the avenue Russian women dating thinking that you are gong to meet the man or woman of your dreams, why not embark on this enterprise like watching an adventure of fun. That way you do you will not be disappointed. Look for fun instead of being serious and you will find that not only will you have more fun, but when you meet online dating Russian women will also fun.
The Honesty Is the Best Policy
Put on a recent photo of yourself on your online dating profile, and be honest about your expectations as well as yourself. If you expect that Russian women will be honest with you, you must get the ball rolling by being honest with others. Remember that honesty is the best policy, and you have quite a bit more fun.
Do not ignore Your Instincts
If you encounter Russian women who does not seem quite accurate, trust your instincts and do not proceed to the report. Certainly, do not in a car with someone who does not seem quite accurate. While most people you meet in plots datants online will be those who are trustworthy and reliable, you always have to protect yourself. Your instincts are there to protect you, do not ignore.
Have A Public Meeting
At the first meeting with Russian woman, and until you feel comfortable with the other party, it is best to meet in a public place. You can meet Russian woman at a coffee shop for a short period to see if you get to like one another. Some meet for the second or third time before they have confidence in the other person enough to get into a car with them. By meeting someone online dating or even in the grocery store, you must take care to protect themselves. Do not be in a dangerous situation.
Other Festin The Car would treat you
If you find that you do not like the person you have met on the site dating Russian women, you should not hurt their feelings. There are stories about people who left others in restaurants or caf
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